Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Inoculation
by Tridisout
Summary: This body, these powers, they make me more than human. And they're my only chance to get off this island. I don't care about the creatures on it, I don't care about joining a team, I don't even care about the lost treasure. I just want out of here, and I'll do anything to get that. These Exploration Teams think they can get in my way? Think they can stop me? Well then, bring it.
1. The First Steps

I don't know what happened. Hell, I can barely even remember what was going on before I ended up here. I remember being high above in the sky, loud explosions, falling, and a hard impact with salt water. Let me tell you, falling into that stuff fucking _hurts._ How all those action heroes do it in the movies I have no idea, because the next thing I know I'm paralyzed on some beach in the middle of the night and choking up more blood than water.

"Hold still. I can't do this with you squirming like that."

The deep voice is unrecognizable to me and it is far too dark to make out the silhouette bending over my helpless form. After all I've been through, there was no way I would take being at someone else's mercy very lightly. My thoughts are rudely interrupted by a wind-knocking blow to my chest. Before I can take a breath of air the impacted area begins to burn with the intensity of a bullet wound which somehow missed a vital organ. I feel something digging through my pockets and the voice soon speaks up yet again.

"Nice wallet. So your name's Browley?" Yeah, give me back my stuff. "Sorry, Browley. I never wished to get you involved in this but I don't have a choice anymore."

My state is no match for the pain still burning away at me, spreading throughout my body. I mentally curse to myself as black spots begin to cloud my vision. I was going to die here after all that I went through. After escaping death time and time again in that forsaken hell-hole I was going to die the one time I was truly on my way home. And all while getting mugged. Nice job, Browley. But death didn't come to me. The exact opposite came, and my journey was far from over. I jumped straight from the frying pan into the fire, which probably had something to do with my future element. Well, that or all the firepower I packed in my previous crusade.

* * *

After the pain subsided there was nothing but numbness and black space before me. I never got to sleep very long; senses instantaneously flooded my brain. Air fills my nostrils so quickly I awake with a jolt. My head is pounding fiercely against my skull and I know the blood is rushing up there. Well, at least it _is_ rushing. My vision stays a blurry mess as my eyes adjust to the bright light shining through the tree tops… tree tops? I thought I was on a beach. Wildly my head swings out and back to get a view of my surroundings and I discover my new location to be somewhere in a tropical jungle. The humidity and the plant life together just scream the tropics to me and I scowl at the heat. The sticky feeling of sweat is already starting to get on my nerves. When I make the movement to wipe my brow I notice something _very _wrong with my hand. Instead of the five-fingered, human hand I was familiar with I see an orange thing in my field of vision. It has four fingers instead of five and each one ends with a hardened point. I flex it experimentally in awe at what is before me. Then I check the other hand to be greeted with a mirror image.

The magnitude of the situation sets in at that moment. Panic-stricken I look over everything on my body and discover something new entirely. Everything is orange except for the large patch of faded yellow running down from my chest to my- _Oh fuck. I have a tail. I have a fucking tail. _To make matters worse there is an open _flame_ at the end of it. There is a _flame_ at the end of my _tail_, a tail I shouldn't even have! A flame! Fire! The thing that burns down forests and jungles! Just like the one I'm in… But then I see it. Upon closer inspection I notice a rather small hole at the end of my new appendage. And then I realize that maybe I'm not on fire (I would probably feel that if I was) and what's really happening is that the flame is being emitted by the tail. I've seen stranger things, like the existence of my tail in the first place. Fuck, I'm never going to let that drop am I? Ironically the tail is what calmed me down, even if for a second. There is a strange alien feeling in my lower backside when I turn back around to further examine myself. My _flaming tail_ hit the _grassy ground_ in a _jungle_. My blood runs cold and I freeze in place out of fear. Seconds turn into minutes and the green shrubbery shows no hints of being disturbed by a ravaging fire. Once again my attention goes to that tail and not even the grass surrounding the flame shows any burns. Against my better judgment I try wiggling the tail around in the grass with my clawed hand yet nothing happens. What kind of fire is this anyways? The land I find myself in apparently has a tight timetable for my thinking as once again a noise interrupts me.

"Oh crap!" I crane my neck up just in time to see a yellow rodent crash into me face-first. "Owowow, sorry. The branch was a little loose." The creature apologizes in a voice that sounds like a younger version of a mix between Nolan North's Deadpool and JonTron. "You okay?" It studies me for a moment before bursting out in laughter. "Yep! You're fine!" I raise an eyebrow and promptly realize that I may not even have eyebrows anymore. I never even checked my face to notice the changes there. The yellow monster's laughter fades into a nervous chuckle before speaking once again. "Um… sorry about that. I was just practicing my parkour in the trees." Parkour? Like that street running thing people do instead of just taking the stairs? My eyebrow remained firmly raised as I began to question just exactly what kind of freaky animal was talking to me.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" The monster crossed its eyes and began rubbing at its black nose, then its red cheeks. I want to ask so many questions, but every time I open my mouth I find that words just escape me. I cannot seem to think of a way to inquire as to what is in front of me without getting a punch in the face. So I seal my lips shut once again. The creature notices my attempts to speak and predictably begins to ask about it.

"Yes? Do you need to say something?" I shake my head for negative but the thing doesn't buy it. "Come on, you can tell me. Look at you staring at the grass; you're the shy type, huh?" Fuck, I _am_ staring at the grass. "So what are you doing out here all alone anyways? Charmanders tend to live in the volcano back-" He sticks his tongue out as he spins around with a finger (paw?) pointed. Finally he stops and gestures in the given direction. "-that way! I mean, that's a long ways from here, nearly the entirety of the island!" Finally some good information. So I'm on an island, which means I'm stranded out in the middle of the ocean somewhere in a foreign body. And apparently I'm something called a Charmander. Then what was this thing?

"Okay seriously, that whole 'not-talking' thing is kinda starting to freak me out." He puts his paws on his hips before gasping in false realization. Here it comes, the same question everyone I meet seems to ask me. "You're not mute, are you?" I called it. His fears were alleviated when once again I shook my head no, but still it would not shut up. "So then what's up with the quietness? You can't be _that_ shy, right?" Figuring that I will have to say something to get some silence from the annoying thing, I cough a little to clear my voice before speaking.

"W-wha…" Crap, I'm stuttering again. "Wha-what… what are you?" Too blunt? The yellow rodent looks at me quizzically before once again laughing.

"Oh, good one. That's a good one." He stares at me for a few seconds before dropping the grin. "You serious? You've never seen a Pikachu before? Everyone's seen a Pikachu! The Pichu-boom is still going on! Fuck man, there's even starting to be reservations for us in some regions!" Give me a break, I just got here. "Wow. That is… new. What's your name?" The Pikachu's eyes quickly dart to the side before meeting mine again. "Er, if you have a name. Most Pokémon don't for some reason. I don't know." He follows up with a very forced cough.

"Browley." I answer with a hoarse voice.

"Well come on Browley, this is no place for a lone Pokémon. There's nothing here but a couple of Mystery Dungeons." The Pikachu proceeds to walk off in the direction I can only assume it came from.

"W-what's a Mystery Dungeon?" I manage to croak out.

The Pikachu stops in its tracks immediately. Its head whips around to face me completely stunned. "You don't have amnesia do you?" I frown at the question before realizing that to a degree I actually do. I can't remember how I got to this island, or how I changed bodies.

"A-a little."

The rodent's eyes sparkle for the quickest moment and his mouth opens yet again. "You wouldn't happen to be human, would you?" How the fuck did he-

"Yes?"

"Wow. That explains things!" He chuckles.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that's why you didn't know what I was and why you don't know what a Mystery Dungeon is!" Once again the thing was grinning at my lack of knowledge of this island. "You definitely gotta get to town with me, you'll probably end up dead within a few hours otherwise! No offense." Why is it that whenever someone says 'no offense' it becomes much more offensive? I guess he does have a point though, I don't know this island like he probably does and this new body is bound to cause problems somehow. "By the way, I never did say my name did I? Yeah, I actually decided I needed one since there are just so damn many Pikachus in the world today! I'm Boon! Nice meeting you Browley!"

Boon… I think I'm probably going to forget it within a few minutes like I do with most names. Oh well, I can just use amnesia as an excuse to ask again, even if the case is rather minor.

"So," Boon begins yet again. "Do you know how to use moves?" I can't say I do, so I just shake for the negative. "Oh really? Well before we go on let's practice." That grin is starting to unnerve me this time.

* * *

It takes us a few minutes but we manage to find a clear area to practice 'moves'. Boon stands about fifteen feet in front of me rubbing his paws together. Fuck it, I'll say hands. They're close enough.

"Okay then! I know nothing about fire types but that shouldn't be too much of a problem right now! I can go over the basics!" Boon shouts out to me. He jumps down onto all fours and static begins to visibly build up by those red cheeks of his. There is no way I'm getting on four legs if that's what he wants, I'm human dammit! "Grounds rules! Each Pokémon has something in its body that controls its powers!" Wait, we have powers? As in superpowers? I think I can get used to this body. "I've heard all kinds of names for it, like ember and amber! I think that sounds stupid so I'm calling it the PEN15!" I can't help but face palm at this name; I prefer the term 'amber'. "Why does everyone always do that? Whatever. Now the PEN15 separates itself into different forms within your body, we call these 'moves'! The PEN15 can't split into more than four moves, so even if you technically know how to preform those moves your PEN15 won't let you!" That seems rather inconvenient. "You're new to this so your PEN15 probably only knows one or two moves! I assume those are 'growl' and 'scratch'!"

"…I thought you said these were powers…"

"They are! They all don't have fancy names though!"

"Then what's difference between a regular growl and the move?"

"The move was named after growling 'cause it sounds similar. Really what it does is mess with the other Pokémon's PEN15. Why are you smiling like that? Anyways… it messes with the PEN15 and weakens their powers a bit." Oh, that's pretty cool. Now even Boon is beginning to laugh, but I suspect it's for a different reason. "Man, if you tried growling regularly at a Nidoking it'd stomp you into the dirt!" Note to self: Find out what a Nidoking is. "That's why you need to use moves as often as possible! Screw the haters! Haters gonna hate! Now focus and try to direct some of that PEN15 into either 'scratch' or 'growl'!"

I lower myself into a fighting stance and prepare to do some Kumbaya-Zen shit. I close my eyes and begin to focus when Boon's laughter reaches my eardrums.

"Oh man! I can't believe you fell for that focus thing! Well, I can 'cause you did, but you know what I mean!" I let out a sigh as I wait for him to teach me how to do this. After what I can only guess is about ten whole minutes Boon regains his composure and wipes a tear from his eye. "Alright, alright. Heh, I'm serious now. This is going to sound weird, but bear with me for a second." You? weird? Naw, you're just a little annoying. "You know how you change the pitch of your burps and farts? It's the same thing, only for your PEN15! It just sort of comes naturally, try it out!" I'm screwed.

I 'try it out' and find myself directing a flow of gasses towards my mouth. It builds up in my chest and with all my might I let loose one of my best burps of the week. Boon is rolling around on the floor laughing at this point. My face is probably red with embarrassment but I am not going to let the little yellow thing hurt my pride more. So I do what anyone sane would do who just failed at a task, I try the exact same thing again. My results are predictable. Boon said it comes out naturally, so I attempt to be natural. I clear my head of thoughts about the PEN15's power. Maybe I am still trying to focus on what shouldn't be focused on. This time I manage to direct, well, _something_ to my mouth. I'm unable to hold it in and a set of visible energy waves comes blasting out of my maw with a dull noise vaguely resembling a growl. The waves are bright and white in coloration; I can't help but be mesmerized by their appearance. Boon is still rolling around giggling before he is hit by the waves. Rather than freak out or grow angry, he actually jumps up and starts cheering!

"Whoo-hooo! You did it! _That's_ how you use a move! The rest should be pretty similar to that, just channel the energy and let it loose! Your PEN15 should do the rest!" I relish in my victory as he continues cheering about how great of a teacher he is.

* * *

When Boon was done we hiked further on for a good while. From the top of the hills the island setting is increasingly apparent. I can even see the beaches where sand meets water. Across that water was the faint image of more island, just barely visible along the horizon. Boon must have noticed my gaze because he commented on the sight.

"Yep. That's the Southeastern part of the Jichi Islands. This place is actually shaped like an upside-down 'U'. If you look to your left a bit you'll see how this connects. Kinda. The view isn't really good enough right here, but you'll get the idea." Indeed I do. I have to stick my neck out a tad but I can see where the far island slightly begins to bend towards our direction. At the rate it is going though, the actual connecting point is probably miles ahead of our current location. Boon chuckles. "Don't worry, the nearest town isn't all the way on the other side. We just have a little further to go."

Our hike picks back up and Boon rattles on about his parkour more. Apparently he's been practicing ever since he was a Pichu. It takes another blank stare for him to realize I have no idea what that is and he clarifies it's basically a baby-to-toddler form of Pikachu. Within another ten minutes we reach another set up trees, this one with the strangest looking thing I've ever seen.

Cutting into the jungle as if it was placed there way after the trees were is a faintly visible dome of something. As we get closer the dome becomes more and more visible, yet this was nothing natural. The surface of the dome distorts the single image of the jungle into a mess of images. It is as if the dome is projecting a picture of the jungle and displacing little patches of that image in areas they shouldn't belong. It creates a jumbled up view of the path before us, yet the effect is still so subtle one would have to look closely to notice the distortion.

Boon sighs and pops his knuckles. "Welp, this is it. This is a Mystery Dungeon."


	2. The First Dungeon

"Well go on, this is the only way through." He can't be serious. I continue to uneasily stare at the entrance to the so called Mystery Dungeon without moving a muscle. Who knows what could happen if I were to make contact with the mass of displaced space directly in front of me? A furred hand grasps my shoulder and my eyes drift towards the Pokémon. What was his name again? Book? Bone? Boom? "Look, if it makes you feel any better I'll hold your hand as we go in." Now I remember, it's Boon. My patience is reaching its threshold so I shrug off the hand and take a deep breath. Well, here I go. If this is the only way to progress then I might as well deal with it. With eyes clenched tight I take my steps into my first (and hopefully last) Mystery Dungeon. The effects of entry are nauseating and I try my hardest to not upchuck my last meal. What was my last meal anyways? My memory is so fuzzy I can't recall, but I believe it was a bag of trail mix. At least the M&Ms would make the vile bright and colorful.

When I open my eyes the sights and sounds of the jungle surround me. There seems to be no sign of the entrance I just went through, it is as if I have been in this jungle for quite some time already. Unfortunately, Boon is still close by my side.

"Welcome to the Mystery Dungeon!" He sarcastically announces. "I bet you want to know what these are don't you?" I nod. "Too bad! I don't know either!" What the fuck… "But what I do know is that you gotta look for stairs! Big stone stairs that look really out of place!" Stairs. Got it. Find the stairs and forget I ever came in here. That shouldn't be too hard, right? "And watch out for the Pokémon along the way. I find the best mindset to be that if someone didn't enter with you, they want you dead." Want me dead. Like I haven't heard _that_ one before… "One more thing! These places change layouts every time someone enters, so the path's never the same. We have about fifteen seconds to enter a dungeon after someone else if we want to go through the same setup they do." Mystery Dungeons change layouts too? What kind of places are these things?

After taking another heavy breath we are mobilizing throughout the dungeon. Nothing attacks but there are way too many cliffs directing us into crevices and tunnels to be normal. Thankfully the entire time we are walking Boon doesn't utter a peep. The tunnel we navigate opens up into a fairly large clearing littered with logs, stumps, giant rocks, and pockets of water in the ground. There are three more openings into crevices surrounding us. I eye them and let out an exasperated breath. My Pikachu tag-along decides it would be a good time to speak up.

"So what type of food do you like, Browley?" I cast an incredulous glance in his direction. What does that have to do with anything? Boon tilts his head in confusion, "What? I'm just trying to make small-talk. This is boring! Usually we'd already be attacked by like, twenty Pokémon by now." And that's a good thing? "So yeah, I like to eat meat. Many Pikachu are all like, 'Ew, how can you live with yourself eating fellow Pokémon? Interesting tidbit actually- the Jichi Islands is one of the only places that doesn't make eating meat illegal!" Thank God for that, I like my steak cooked medium rare. "Yep, I already filled out the paperwork, so my body is up for grabs when I die!" Boon laughs at his own words. "Pfft, like _that'll_ happen anytime soon. So what about you? You like meat?"

Pushing aside the detail of filling out paperwork to have someone's corpse eaten, I give a confirming nod and he returns it with one of his own. "Well that's good to hear. I figured you would, your line looks like the type to eat meat. You guys like to have that blood dribble down your chin, am I right?" The more time I spend with Boon the less comfortable I feel. I would prefer it if he went back to being quiet. When I make the move to speak, once again I cannot form the words I wish to say. This time Boon doesn't comment though, so I bite my tongue and press on through the crevice at our 12'. We spend more time quietly making our way along the tight corridor of rock and find yet another clearing. This one contains a set of stone stairs in the far corner. The stairs don't actually lead anywhere, they just stop after the fourth step. Were these what Boon was talking about? I turn towards him and he nods at my silent inquiry. When I ascend the stairway the same queasy feeling returns to me and I am forced to shut my eyes again as my surroundings change into a blur of colors. My eyes pop back open only to find more jungle and no stairway. Boon points at me and transitions into even more laughter. I swear, that laughing is getting really old, really quickly.

"Great! Now you get to do it again! And then again! And then again!" Is he kidding me? I have to walk around in the jungle looking for a stairway again? I massage my temples with my new hands- why did this have to be so complicated? We press on once again and make our way through the never ending corridors.

* * *

It isn't long before trouble sets in on us. There are three green worms with yellow pigments surrounding the two of us in one of the clearings. The worms have a pink antenna on their heads and Boon refers to them as Caterpie. His warning comes to the front of my mind upon seeing the creatures-everything wants to kill us.

"Watch and learn, noob." Boon says as his cheeks light up with electricity. He raises an arm and volts of electric stings dance across his fur into his open palm before launching themselves at one of the Caterpie. The poor thing is hit with the blast but appears to be able to handle another few bolts like that. Its brethren descend upon us and I use my new knowledge of the PEN15 to scrape my claws against the shocked target. Boon finishes the very same Caterpie off with another jolt of lightning, and then the freaking thing vanishes! I gape at what I see, the worm just plain fades away as it squeaks a painful cry upon its second shock. My surprise is cut off when the other two Caterpie close in. One lifts its head and shoots me with a string of silk, which sticks to my legs and the grassy flooring. The other curls up and rolls straight into Boon. A swift kick from the Pikachu and it cries out as well, leaving only a quick follow-up zap until one worm remains. When I attempt to walk towards the last Caterpie my legs become stuck to the silk still glued tightly to the grass. A quick tug and they are mobile once more, but upon impact with the ground the foot sticks once again. My feet drag along and completely close the distance between the Caterpie and I, albeit much slower than I would prefer. Two scratches from my claws later and the room is cleared of enemy Pokémon.

Boon fist pumps with a cheer and twists his head towards me. "Hey, don't worry about that silk. It'll go away with a couple of steps." His head tilts as I wordlessly gesture with an arm towards the spots the Caterpies once stood. "Um… what? I already told you, those were Caterpies." No, that's not what I mean. I try to ask about the disappearing but only manage to stutter unintelligible noises. My issue with talking is quickly becoming an issue, there are just so many strange things to question and I can't even speak! "Uh, do you want to know about the Caterpies bodies going away?" I mean to say yes, but only air escapes my lips leaving me mouthing my answer. "Well, I don't know the answer to that. It's just something that happens in Mystery Dungeons." Great, that explains a whole lot to me. I guess a wizard did it?

We continue to trek though the dungeon and encounter increasing resistance. With each Pokémon we manage to take down our performance increases. After about the third stairway we are taking on groups of five and only being hit by one of the Pokémon. However, after the fifth stairway the enemies change. They grow larger, some are different completely. They are large, purple butterfly-like monsters with a nasty move that makes our bodies temporarily go limp. Try as I might, but I can't even fire off a growl attack; the move must have shut off my internal power supply. Boon recovers sooner than I and makes up for my incapacitation by frying the moth with well-placed shocks to the cranium. I nod my thanks and we press onward to the staircase. Our feet thunder up the steps and after the warped travel we finally exit the forest. A glance behind me confirms this as I see the same strange distortion effect the entrance to the dungeon held.

* * *

Boon gives a firm pat to my back and smiles. "That's a Mystery Dungeon! I bet you're glad to be back in the normal world again, aren't you?" Normal is hardly the word I'd use to describe it but I really am happy to be out of that chain of hallways. "Browley? There's something I forgot to mention." My attention focuses on Boon and I wave my hand for him to continue. "The PEN15 only has a limited amount of energy. I actually used up all my thundershocks back there." The PEN15-er, the amber is limited? That's news to me. "Different moves take up different amounts of energy, we call it PP. That's the letter 'P' twice, by the way." Cue more giggles from the rodent. "When a move's PP runs out, it can't be restored by anything except a thing called Max Elixir. But those cost money. Dungeons seem to be restoring it too nowadays, but that's only when exiting it or reaching certain spots. I can't really tell you where those spots are, you just gotta be lucky." His knowledge appears to rapidly alternate between useful and useless. "And look ahead! That's it!"

Following his outstretched hand presents the view of a walled in town just down the hill. Buildings appear to be nothing more than shacks thrown together with hay and wood, but they seem sturdy enough to live in. A low rumbling in the distance draws my attention to the now overcast skies, it's going to rain soon. All the more reason to get to town, I guess. Boon vocally ponders something, and I wait for him to tell me what he's thinking about.

"Hmm, I wonder if Charmanders really do die if the flame on their tails go out." What!? I grasp my tail tightly and shield it from the sky with my back. "I actually heard it both ways, but never met a Charmander so I could find out. You better run, boy!" I can't tell if he is teasing me or being serious, but I sprint towards town as quickly as I can. I don't want to find out the answer to the question, I just barely got here. "Hey! Wait up!" Boon shouts after me as he bounds down the hill. Something wet hits my shoulder causing my grip to tighten on the new appendage. The thunder roars louder and the rain is picking up when we reach the gate to the town. Unlike the wooden walls, this gate is made of some kind of metal, but who cares about that? I could probably _die_ just by getting wet! Furiously I pound on the gate to announce my presence. Boon catches up to me huffing and puffing and the metal sheet rises for entry. The moment enough space is available I crawl through the opening into a roofed lobby area. A gruff voice calls out and I notice it belongs to a Pokémon resembling a meercat. Its brown fur has yellow stripes which resemble a safety vest and its red eyes have a similar stripe of yellow coloration as well.

"Calm down lil' fella! You're safe now, da rain's not gon' getcha!" It offers a furry hand to me and pulls me up. "You did hap' seez a Peek-choo out dere' dichya?" Before I can make sense of what the guard just said Boon pokes his head out from under the gate and into the lobby.

"Here I am! Thanks, Watchog!"

"I seez ya gotz a new friend, Boon."

"Yep! His name's Browley! He don't talk much though." Gee, thanks for letting the guard know that. Speaking of the guard, Watchog is back to babbling some strange noises to me which vaguely sound like words when listening closely.

"Well shootz, you can talks and nots talks all you won 'round here! Dis here be Timburr Town, Browley! Pleased ta make yours 'quaintance!"


	3. The First Town

The rain is pouring down much harder now; I'm definitely not going outside the lobby any time soon. Boon and Watchog are still chatting away like old friends. But who knows? Maybe they are. There's an age difference in the group, if I went by human years I'd place the meerkat guard in his mid-thirties and Boon somewhere between thirteen and sixteen. I could very well be wrong though, my skill in guessing ages is not what I decided to invest in. I took the path of survival, learning everything I could in order to be able to adapt and survive against all odds. Who knew that would be exactly what I needed just a few months ago? I'm fairly certain it was a few months ago at least. I lost track of time back when that pilot landed me in the middle of scenic nowhere. My phone's battery died and the shitty prepaid phone I found underneath the seat had a broken screen, so I couldn't exactly check the date. It still bugs me that I was finally on my way out of there when I awoke here. But what bugs me the most is the gap in my memory.

How was I escaping again? Was I going to take a plane or a boat? I do remember being near the border but that's about all that I can recall about my last day there. Even the location of the area is beyond me. The pilot just touched down somewhere so I never found out if the place was landlocked or not. If I traveled down a shitload of rivers that would imply there was either a lake or an ocean supplying the water. But never once did I actually go down the entire river and now I question why that was. I packed plenty of food and water for my trip-oh crap. Food and water are things I don't have here… unless I can drink the ocean water. But the chances of it being too salty for consumption are high. Then again, I'm a lizard now so maybe the water is fair game. Gah, too many things to consider. Boon looks healthy enough, and parkour would require a good diet as well. Maybe he knows some good eating. At least his acclaim for meat means he won't have me eating twigs and dirt.

What are they even talking about? Maybe if I listen closely I can find out more about the Jichi Islands. Oh hey, I remembered that name.

"By da by Boon, yer boss sed he wantz ta talk with ya. Seemed mighty mad if yous ask me." Watchog informed with a concerned stare.

"My boss? You mean Infernape? How did I piss _him_ off?" There's an emphasis on him, so it can't be far off to assume Boon has a history of angering others. Go figure. Watchog closes his eyes in a manner of explaining something to a child for the umpteenth time. He takes a deep breath and leans that large head of his closer to the addled Pikachu.

"When I opened up da gate forz ya in da morn' ta go-" Watchog snaps his claws in rapid succession as filler in his speech's gap , "Pucker-"

"Parkour?" Boon corrects with a condescending smile. Whether he actually thinks lowly of the guard or not I can't say, but from their previous pleasantries I assume it's just a tease.

"Yessir. Ta go Park-or down yonder, I tots yer shift wuz dun. Infurnape said otter-wise."

"But my shift_ was_ over! It's not my fault Bootalicious and Delgado were late!" Watchhog raised an eyebrow.

"Who?" Boon's palm finds itself in the Pikachu's face at the question. He lets out a barely audible groan from his lips which I find quite ironic. Here Boon is being annoyed by a Pokémon rather than acting as the offender himself. I suppose the shoe is on the other foot. Perhaps that idiom doesn't actually fit due to the lack of shoes. Regardless, I'm not about to change expressions to garbage such as, 'lend a paw' or 'everypony.'

"Chikorita and Torchic, sorry." Boon clarifies with vexation. Strange, did Boon come up with the names Bootalicious and Delgado or does he just prefer them to their real names? If the PEN15 is anything to go by, Boon does enjoy using ridiculous names as substitutes. I'm surprised I haven't been called something along the lines of Spoonaldo. Count my blessings one by one.

"You best takes dat up wiz him. I can try ta help ya in da mornin' fore work but I ain't mak'n no promises." Watchog is giving off so much sympathy I almost feel bad for Boon myself-almost, but not quite. Something about just barely meeting a couple of hours ago is in my way of sharing any emotions with the mouse. Out of absolutely nowhere Watchog brightens up the entire room. "I gotz it! How 'bout we all get sum Jichi Peppers? I know how much you love dem!" Finally some talk about food. Peppers doesn't sound like much but they are better than nothing. I'm going to end up starving if I don't eat something sooner or later. The question I'm wondering is how I am supposed to get outside in the rain with this tail. Boon apparently shares my concerns because he asks Watchog the same thing. The guard heartily laughs and dashes into the next room with a "Wait dere a sec." Boon and I share a glance and almost as soon as the Pokémon left it is back again with a wide cardboard box. Boon's face lights up in recognition and possibly excitement upon catching a glimpse of the box. Watchog throws the cardboard to Boon and curiosity forces me to take a peek at the writing printed on top. The words are a little hard to read because for some strange reason each letter has an eye inserted somewhere (don't ask, I have no freaking clue), but I surmount the issue of the strange letters and succeed in understanding the print anyways: Inferno's Pizza. Wow, pizza shops really _do_ spring up everywhere. If I didn't already kill that backstabbing fucker named Addi then I would have to pay up on that bet. Sucks to be him! Watchog taps his fingers on the box in an attempt to get my attention. "It ain't strong and it ain't purty but dat'll gecha where ya need ta get go'in."

I hold the box over my tail flame and Boon gives a me thumbs up. "Wow, thanks Watchog! You're a genius!" He says.

The guard smiles coyly at Boon's exaggerated compliment and responds with a simple, "I do what I can." Now that we have a makeshift umbrella we are heading out the door and into town. We are also heading straight into the rain. I cross my fingers and pray to God that this box holds out against all the precipitation.

* * *

Timburr Town proves to be quite small; as soon as we step out of the lobby I can already see the wall at the opposite end of the village. There are multiple shacks ranging from longhouses to tiny huts. Every single one holds a common theme of being constructed with straw, hay, and sticks of wood. They appear similar to bamboo but are much thicker and much more supportive of structures than the compared plant. Most of the buildings are home to outdoor shops set up on carpets. All the wares are easily viewable on shelves or counters and a wooden awning protruding from the store's shack shield both the items and the vendors. Creatures of all shapes and sizes run the stores, and I can't help but draw similarities to a bazaar. Well, a bazaar if super powered zoo animals with technicolored features ran it. Boon playfully elbows my side and begins pointing to all the different shops.

"Welcome to Timburr Town, dude! You have _got_ to see this place during the day; it is _awesome_! Let me point out some of the shops, we have all kinds of stuff!" He directs my attention to a shack run by a three-headed palm tree. Wait, what? "That's Exeggutor's drink bar! Those three sell all kinds of fruit smoothies! Last week they even started to blend gummis!" I blink. "Oh yeah, those are like candies that make your body do all kinds of stuff! Sometimes it'll make you strong, sometimes it'll make you sneaky, and sometimes it'll mess around with your aura! I don't know what aura is but it has something to do with how Mystery Dungeons affect you. I don't really get how that all works." Boon then directs me to a dinosaur-kangaroo hybrid's shop. "That's Miss Kangaskhan and her daughter, Kangaskhan Duex! They hold onto your extra stuff for you! I'm not sure how they make money, I've never been charged by them even once. Maybe the government sends them a check, 'cause there are supposedly Kangaskhan storages all over the island!" I'm not entirely sure I trust them with my items yet, especially if they don't charge money. It sounds a little too good to be true. Next I'm looking at kung-fu chicken running what looks more like a carnival game than a store. "Blaziken runs that place. She'll give you little pointy things called 'silver spikes' and let you throw them at targets! It's just a little game to try out if you ever get bored." Ha! I was right! It _is_ a carnival game! Now all we need is the one with the target and the poor sap getting dunked into a tank of water. We walk throughout the town further and discover even more buildings hosting various shops. One in particular makes Boon shiver in nervousness. "Meh, that's where I work. It's the pizza shop. It's a good thing they're closed right now or we'd have to talk to my boss." What does he mean, 'we'? I'm just tagging along for the free tour. "To your left is the post office, Pelipper runs that place. And that big place to the right is the library. Bleh. Lilligant trains her apprentice Roselia there and they are both as stuffy as they sound." A library huh? I'm not a big fan myself, but there might be some useful information to study there. Plant life books, wildlife guides, maps, history texts, etc. Boon gestures to a mushroom on a bench set up in one of the wall's corners with a look of queer discomfort. "That little one with the weird symbol on its head is Foongus. Foongus is… kinda strange. The little bugger just rattles on and on about 'downloadable content' and 'returning to the main menu'." Wow, and I thought _Boon_ was the odd one. I may not have fit in back home much (after what I went through I probably wouldn't fit in at all anymore, actually) but that is ridiculous. "Oh! And the store next to Foongus is owned by Leavanny and Smeargle. Leavanny sells different bags, goggles, holsters, and cloths while Smeargle will paint on you! Or dye your fur if you have any." The leaf thing sounds useful. Smeargle's shop will have to deal with not getting any of my business. I'm not one to get painted on, not even face painting at the fair was okay back when I had a human body. I like my personal space, and touching my face is one of the biggest violations possible. Plus the paint is uncomfortable. Yet another long building is our next stopping point. Some kind of large, green, bladed insect is lounging outside the open doorway and thudding noises as well as crashing can be heard from within. "This is Timburr Town's dojo. Sensei Mienshao and her band of Mienfoo assistants train Pokémon to beat each other up, it's a lot of fun. Scyther is a regular visitor." Scyther nods confirmation at us but says nothing else. Looks like someone I can relate to lives in this town. A training dojo is also something I'll need to take a look at. It is very unlikely I would be able to survive an entire island if the only two things I know how to do are Growl and Scratch attacks. Next Boon points out a shop run by a green monkey taking inspiration from Elvis Presley in its grassy hairstyle. "Finally we have the convenience store. Simisage does most of the selling while Kecleon brings in more stuff from other towns. I don't see Kecleon though; maybe he already dropped off the new things." General goods generally tend to be useful in general situations. Maybe I could take a stop by here as well when the rain stops threatening to extinguish the thing keeping me alive.

* * *

The tour ends with a miniscule shack hosting a rather shoddy doorway seemingly slapped on as an afterthought. Nobody is selling anything here so I wonder what this building could be used for. After digging up a pair of keys from the dirt behind the shed, Boon walks up to the door and reveals the inside. The building is quite cramped, and the curved walls give the room a circular shape. There is a rack to the right of the doorframe and a half-filled water trough to the left. A wooden box rests next to the trough with an opening in the top for trash to be thrown into. Some stools and a table carrying another pizza box follow the waste bin, and a large barrel takes up the precious space between the table and a hanging cot positioned directly across from the entrance. A torch is on the other side of the cot (which isn't very safe in my opinion) and a fairly sizable dresser rests on the wall to the door's right. On top of the dresser is a clay bowl of tropical fruit, a piece of used paper (I'll have to remind myself to read it some other time), and a picture frame containing a painting of Boon wearing a fake crown underneath a banner reading: "Jichi Islands Pepper-thon Eating Contest." There is a date on the banner as well, but due to the folds of the cloth and the paint in that area smearing a tad, it is impossible to make out. I would make the assumption that the event was recent though, but it is possible I don't understand how Pikachus age.

"This is the best part of the town, my house!" Boon joyfully announces with pretentiousness. "I know it's a little small, but I love it! You can stay here for a while if you want, I'll set up another bed. We can be roomies!" Oh joy, sharing a room with Boon is definitely on my to-do list. I suppose I don't have much of a choice though; with the rain issue sleeping outside is a no go. Fuck, even without the rain I would prefer to sleep in a bed rather than like an animal. I may be a Pokémon in body but my mind is still fully intact. Boon digs through the drawers and pulls out a large cloth white in coloration with thin stripes of blue running across. "Here, help me hang this up. We'll make bunk cots!" I assist in getting the cot hanging above Boon's, but then he complains that he wants the top one. Exasperated, I let out a sigh and we undo both cots so we can swap the cloths around. Afterwards Boon and I eat some of the fruit and talk to each other. By 'talk to each other' I mean Boon talks and I listen, occasionally answering yes or no questions with a nod or a shake of the head. Sometimes I pull off switching things up a tad by shrugging my shoulders. My roommate explains that the painting was made three years ago by Smeargle during the yearly Pepper-thon event. That year the get-together was hosted in Timburr Town, so Boon was able to partake in the festivities. Jichi Peppers are said to be the hottest peppers in the world, so selling them to other regions is part of what made the islands so successful as a country. The insides of the peppers are littered with growing 'Blast Seeds', which fully grown are apparently volatile enough to be used as an explosive when thrown. Those Blast Seeds are practically grenades made from nature, I have _got _to get my hands on some. Back towards the contest. Boon's favorite food is the Jichi Pepper, thus he had managed to build up a tolerance unrivalled at the time. The victory had consequences though; he promptly puked mere seconds after the point in time the painting illustrates. By the time Boon is finished telling stories the rain has finally stopped. The sun set during the storm, so Boon suggests checking out Timburr Town in the morning. Although a little darkness doesn't hurt me (or my flaming tail) exploring the town in daylight does sound like a better idea, so I agree to call it a night and climb into my cot. Just like the grass in the jungle, the fabric is miraculously unharmed by my fire. This will be my first time sleeping like this, so I'm not sure how much rest I'll manage to get. My first day as a Charmander is coming to a close.


	4. Dreams, Smoothies, and Explorers

I've been sitting in the back of this truck for around an hour now, when are we supposed to get to the hotel? Is there even a hotel out here? Oh my God, I'm so lost. I'm never getting out of here. Fuck… Wow, it is kind of hot out here. I wish I had a bottle of water right about now, that would hit the spot. We pass through more and more fields of brown grass and every once in a while I spy a building poorly constructed from sheets of metal stacked together to form walls. The mountains in the distance are rather ugly. They look more like bare rocks jutting up from the ground haphazardly rather than something worth gawking at. Sky's a light shade of orange as well; the sun must be setting already. I take stock of my situation just to pass the time. I'm alone in some foreign country, in the backseat of a truck to a hotel which may or may not exist, and _I killed a man_. Jesus Christ, I _killed_ someone! I had no other choice though! The pilot was going to kill _me_! At least, I think he was going to kill me? He pointed the gun at me, the very same gun I now have in my hand. What was it called again? A Colt… something. My memory is failing me in terms of weapon names at the moment. Colt .45? Yeah, that's it. Good thing I played those old Medal of Honor games back home. This Colt .45 is what the pilot was aiming at me, but was he really going to shoot me then and there? It can't be, why kidnap me in the first place? It would make sense to put me up for ransom or something, right? Then again, plenty of people have been kidnapped only to be murdered immediately afterwards. But that's in the states! And other non-third world countries! Goddammit, what is even going on anymore?

The truck driver interrupts me from my thoughts. "We are almost there, just have to get past a couple of hills and the bridge." He is a bald, dark man and speaks with a very strong native accent. His clothes look rather worn as well; he probably doesn't make much money driving people like me around this place. Where is this anyways? Am I still in Chad or did the pilot take us out of its borders already? "Actually, I never got your name, foreigner." Oh my God, do I tell him or not? Can he use that against me? Is this a guy I should trust? I'm already in his truck, so I guess so. I hope I don't regret this.

"B-B-Browley. My name is Browley."

He responds with a nod of his head. "Browley. Mr. Browley, the road up ahead is a little bumpy, I suggest you hold onto something back there." The man isn't kidding, I nearly fall out of my seat from the shaking. With trembling hands I tightly grasp the leather seat in front of me. The bumpy road continues on and on, it never seems to end. What type of road are we driving on that could be so bumpy? I take a quick peek out the window and wish I hadn't. Bodies are everywhere. The entire road is just littered with them, bodies covered in blood and bullet holes. The bodies belong to everyone: men, women, children, even babies. This guy is driving his truck over the corpses of people! It takes all I have not to puke out my lunch, which becomes even harder when the smell reaches me. Fucking shit, I don't know how to describe the smell. Sure, it is repulsive, but that feels like a major understatement. What the flying fuck happened here!? _WHERE THE FUCK AM I!?_ Oh God, one of the corpses still has her eyes open! At this point I'm breathing so hard the driver takes notice. He yanks my head back inside the truck and mutters something in a strange tongue I've never heard before. The truck driver once again takes a glance in my direction and his eyes are ice cold. "Shit, you weren't supposed to see that. The two factions here have been competing for control of the country." Competing is rather mild term for it! "Things get a little… _messy_ from time to time. The Nation of the Reconciled Generation is scum." Gee, that is also putting it lightly. "The N.R.G. kills everyone who doesn't support them and outsiders like you are targeted for sport." Oh fuck. That's not good. "You are rather fortunate to have found me. The hotel I'm taking you to is in a cease fire zone. Nobody should harm you there, but keep that gun loaded." I gulp, that's only one faction. He said there were two. Who is the second faction? I never get to ask, the next moment a man with an RPG appears on a hill to our left. He doesn't hesitate to shoot and our truck is engulfed in the explosion.

* * *

"Wake up! I just realized something important!" A yellow rodent violently shakes me awake. Panic sets and I check the room I find myself in. Wooden walls, table, dresser, picture frame of the creature. What is going- oh. Yeah. I remember. I'm stuck on some island with this electric animal named Boon. He _did_ take me to town and provide me with shelter, I suppose the name fits; he is _something_ of a boon. I should probably keep an eye on him though; there is the chance that he's only helping me now so he can stab me in the back later. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened to me. Then again, it's probably true that I should thank him for waking me up from that dream. I would rather not relive my experience back in that country at the moment. I turn towards Boon and gesture for him to continue his sentence. He said he forgot something important? "Browley! We totally forgot to get some Jichi Peppers! I was even talking about them and everything!" It seems that my idea of 'important' is much different than his. "Whelp, I suppose it can't be helped. We'll just eat them for breakfast! We can stop by the bar and Simisage's store and get a smoothie and peppers and eat them and-" Boon's face fell. "-then I have to go to work. Man, I don't wanna go! Infernape's gonna kill me!" Let's hope not. As much as it pains me to admit, I'm not too sure I can get through this island without Boon. If I run into anymore giant butterflies with paralyzing powder by myself I'll be helpless. It would be great if I still had my guns, but judging by the size of my surroundings I'm not sure if I am still large enough to even hold them anymore. "Hey Browley? You ready to go get some delectable delights?" That settles it then-Boon is obsessed with those peppers. It turns out I don't have to attempt an answer because my stomach rumbles loudly enough to do my work for me. Boon is overjoyed at my body's response. "YES! Come on then, let's go!" He pulls out a handheld sack from the dresser and we walk out the door.

Timburr Town is much more visible without the rain. The sun shines all around and tiny Pokémon I assume to be children play in the streets. Following Boon's suggestion, we stop by the palm tree's bar first. The counter is around my eye level so I have to stand on the tips of my toes in order to look over it. It occurs to me that my toes are now mostly comprised of very large claws. Boon is a few inches shorter than I am, so he instead hops straight up onto the countertop in order to see. On either side of a door behind the three headed plant Pokémon running the store are five shelves packed with hollowed out coconut shells. Exeggutor greets us to his shop hosting the type of voice one uses to purposefully sound stupid. In fact, the voice is almost exactly the same as that green drill guy from the old Sonic cartoon. I believe its name was Grounder, although I could very well be mistaken. "Hello Boon! Welcome back to my store!" He locks his six eyes with me. "Did you bring me another customer?" Exeggutor uses all three heads to speak, cycling through each after every word. The head on the left's voice is slightly deeper than the other two, and the head on the right has a voice slightly higher. The difference isn't very noticeable, but can be picked up on by a critical ear. Boon chuckles out his response:

"Ha, you know it! I'm always thinking of your store! This is Browley, I found him down south!"

"Well hello there Browley! My name is Exeggutor! So what can I make you two?"

Is he asking me or Boon? Now is not a time I would like to show my lack of speaking skills. Boon is chatty enough to save me the trouble of answering. "Can we both have a mango smoothie?"

"Of course you can! Two mango smoothies coming up!" Exeggutor takes up two of the coconut shells with his left and right mouths (Ew, I'm going to have to take a thorough examination of those things in order to find out which part of the cup is safe to drink from) and heads through the door into a back room. God, everyone is so happy here. It is definitely a far cry from the African country. Back then it seemed the only time someone was smiling was when they either killed a bunch of people or were killing _me_ in their head. Well, there _was_ that one Australian employer who seemed to take a liking to me. To be honest, I'd be lying if I said I didn't click well with him myself. That man seemed to be one of the better people. But truthfully he was just as fucked up as the rest of them. Was there anyone else who smiled during that entire month? I don't believe so…

"Here are your smoothies, you two!" The Pokémon said to us, coming out of the back room. That was pretty quick. I take one of the coconut cups and give a courteous nod to the tree Pokémon. The movement doesn't hold much value in my eyes; it is an automatic response for me now. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. I examine the coconut shell closely, trying to find which end was in his mouth. Unfortunately I cannot find any teeth marks or saliva on the cup and I am forced to just close my eyes and hope for the best. The smoothie itself is a fine yellow-orange paste resting inside the coconut shell. I take an experimental sniff and find that the scent is faint, but unmistakably belonging to a mango. I carefully bring the smoothie up to my lips (muzzle, whatever) and sample a droplet of the blended fruit. Not bad, the taste is rather strong. Exeggutor may have used the freshest mangos he had, but it could also be possible that the fruit on this island is of better quality than the fruit back home. Even the fruit I ate last night was bursting with flavor. Delicious fruit or not, I don't belong here. I am not a Pokémon and won't be able to feel comfortable living as one for very long. In fact, I'm _already_ uncomfortable. On the other hand, I have super powers now. Granted they suck at the moment, but if Boon can shoot electricity out of his hands then maybe I can shoot fire out of mine. That would actually be extremely entertaining-I've always been a bit of a pyromaniac. I take a larger sip of the smoothie and after handing a few coins to Exeggutor from the pouch he is carrying, Boon guides me to the store selling the peppers.

* * *

No matter how much I tilt my head that monkey still looks like a simian version of Elvis to me. It isn't just the hairstyle though. The shoulder tuffs resemble the giant collar the man would wear late into his career and the puffs of fur at the wrists look like the sleeves of an oversized performer jacket. Simisage's voice only sweetens the deal.

"Hey Pikachu. What's swinging?"

He sounds exactly like the singer! Maybe Elvis really didn't die; he somehow found a way to this island and turned into a monkey. How old would that make him though? He was born in January of 1935 so that means…

"Come on Simisage, you know it's Boon." Boon rectifies, his long ears drooping ever so slightly.

"Shucks, sorry brother. So how's it hanging?"

"Great! I made a new friend! Wanna meet him?" Oh God, what is he doing? The Elvis impersonator takes a glance at me and recoils a touch. Rude.

"Wooooaaaaahhhh. That's kind of freaky, man." Very rude. "Your friend doesn't look natural." Up yours, you cunt.

"What do you mean?" Boon asks. I wish he sounded angrier about it. It'll save me the trouble of wiping the floor with this prick. To think I was comparing him to Elvis a few seconds ago.

"Look at how he's standing! He looks more like a combat veteran than young 'mander." I _am_ a combat veteran. I didn't realize we all stood a specific way though. Boon scrutinizes my posture with confusion clearly etched into his face.

"Erm, I don't see it. I guess he has that 'don't fuck with me' aura, but I think that's 'cause you called him freaky."

"He just doesn't look right! It's sad; I think your friend had a bad childhood." My childhood may not have been perfect but it has nothing to do with my posture! And at least I keep my mouth shut. This monkey doesn't even apologize. "Sorry if I offended you." Never mind then. I nod my acknowledgement. The dick is still in my bad books. My Pikachu partner stops staring at me and turns his attention back towards Simisage.

"Right… Anyways! Can we have some Jichi Peppers?"

"Nuh-uh."

Boon practically topples over at the blunt response. "What do you mean, 'Nuh-uh'?"

"Kecleon's supply cache was robbed! I don't know all the details, you better ask him." The supply cache was robbed? By whom? I need to stock up if I'm going to be running around this island. Timburr Town is _not_ where I want to spend the rest of my life. Boon seems eager to find Kecleon for some other reason. I suspect it has something to do with peppers.

"Where is he?"

"Last I heard, Kecleon was heading to the Post Office's bulletin board to put up a notice. I bet he's offering some fine rewards for helping out." Now I'm interested. If the rewards are something worth talking about then I want in. Being stranded on an island for an indefinite amount of time is much easier if I can be stranded with style. I roughed it in Africa, so I should be entitled to getting as comfortable as possible for this journey. Boon and I share a nod and rush to the Post Office. It's one of the better buildings. Many seagull-like Pokémon behind desks all over the single room diligently sort envelopes into organized stacks. In the back of the room are counters ran by rather large pelicans. As one flies out of a hole in the roof to go deliver mail another flies in to take its place. On the far wall to the entrance's right are two boards covered in tacked papers. A purple chameleon stands crossly in front of the closer board and I assume that is Kecleon. We approach the lizard and I wave a greeting to get his attention. Recognizing Boon, Kecleon groans in exasperation with a voice I cannot seem to accurately describe. It is rather high pitched, yet not squeaky. Kecleon sounds more like the stereotypical annoying salesman. He looks us straight in the eyes and asks: "What do you want?" Boon leaps in front of me to answer.

"We heard your peppers were stolen!" Enough about the fucking peppers already. "What happened?"

"If you must know, I was making my delivery like I always do, just minding my business. I stop to take breaks every now and then, and when I do I leave my wares out on a carpet in case anyone passing by wants to buy anything." I raise a brow and Boon angles his head. One of his ears sticks straight up into the air and the other bends to the side.

"Why would you do that? That doesn't sound safe." I ponder the question as well. Throwing items out in the public is not the brightest move to make as a delivery boy. Kecleon puts his purple claws to his hips in response to our inquiry.

"Do you know about the many Exploration Teams operating on this island?"

"Exploration Teams are here!? You mean like the ones who saved the future!?" What does that mean? What else could one possible save other than the future? The act of saving takes place in the present so that events in the future may be prevented before they can occur. Isn't that the point? Or am I looking at the issue wrong?

"That is correct. Rumor has it that even the Wigglytuff Guild itself is on an expedition on the island. They must be searching for the Lost Treasure." Lost Treasure? What is that all about? Meh, I can't waste time on a wild goose chase. If I find something along the way by any chance I could hold onto it. "I thought that those teams would need some extra supplies, so I laid out my wares on the carpet if any crossed paths."

"Well did they?" Kecleon's eyes narrow and his voice drops to one of malice. Each word the chameleon creature utters is pronounced slowly and venomously.

"Yes they did." Then in a roar: "The bastards robbed me!"

"Woah! The Wigglytuff Guild did!?"

"No! Some solo Exploration Team hotshots did! They were a Wartortle and a Vulpix, actually. The fuck-faces used a Stun Seed on me and ran off with all my supplies!" The enraged Pokémon's voice reverts back into its bone chilling tone. "When I find those two, there will be hell to pay… Mark my words you two, Mayor Cinccino is going to receive a strongly worded letter about this. In the meantime, I'm putting up a request for anyone to help me. Are you two interested?" If there's a decent reward, you bet. The request is placed a little too high on the board for me to see with my new height, so I hop up and pull the paper down.

'_URGENT: My Shit Was Stolen!'_ Not very professional wording, but I shrug it off and read on. _'A Wartortle and Vulpix, both part of a so called "heroic" Exploration Team, robbed me of my wares at Route 6 by Wieldy Jungle at approximately 6:35 PM on June 12__th__. I am offering 1000 Poké and a Reviver Seed for their defeat.'_ Defeat? Does he want them captured or just beat up? Kecleon must be able to read my mind, because he says that it doesn't matter if we bring them in or just cream the two. I take a moment to study the rewards once more. Poké is this place's currency; I learned that from our shopping at the drink bar. What I don't know about is the Reviver Seed. I point it out to Boon and he lets out a quiet gasp of awe. Whatever it is, that seed is something worth getting my hands on. Kecleon stares at me expectantly when I lower the paper.

"Well? Are you up for the task?" Wordlessly I nod confirmation and Boon and I walk towards the exit. Before we leave I spot a stack of newspapers and grab a copy. _'Explosions Above Jichi' _is printed in the headline using those strange letters with the eyes. In fact, the entire paper is written in the peculiar font. It takes a while to read due to the text, but I check the article over the explosions. _'An hour before midnight on June 11__th__, loud explosions roared across the Jichi Islands. The source of the noise was confirmed by Exploration Teams to be located in the sky, safely out of the range of citizens-flying or otherwise. Authorities are currently investigating the issue further and we will report their findings as soon as they are available.'_ There is a column in the corner from the Exploration Team Federation addressing the citizens of the islands. _'Dear Jichi Residents, we mean you no harm. Your island has been selected by a great many Exploration Teams for a treasure hunting expedition. We at the E.T.F. would appreciate any and all support in discovering the Lost Treasure spoken of in your island's legends. If you know of or find any information or clues relating to the Lost Treasure, please report to the nearest Exploration camp in your area. Thank you and have a wonderful day.' _


	5. Supplies and Demands

As soon as we exit the post office an orange monkey with a flaming head drops onto Boon and pins the helpless Pikachu to the ground. "So you thought you could skip work, Boon!? You thought I wouldn't care!?" The simian glances in my direction and points a sausage of a finger at me. "Stay out of this." He commands. I do not wish to get in a fight with a primate almost twice my size so I comply with his demand. Boon squirms under the weight of the Pokémon's hold with tears running down his face.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll come to work today! I promise! Please don't kill me!" I find myself wondering if Boon is overreacting or if the punishment he faces actually _is_ death. I hope it is the former, yet at the moment I cannot be entirely certain.

"You better come to work today, or I will make sure you're back on the streets _again_! Honestly Boon, after getting fired from every job in town I thought you would have learned your lesson! It's no wonder your house is a dump!" Sheesh, coming from personal experience Boon's home is not _that_ bad. While I admit the shack is nothing to write home about (home… I wonder if I can ever get back there. Not when I'm a freak of nature) I have slept in places far worse. I remember one of the huts in Africa I slept in was lacking a floor. I awoke in the middle of the night when I felt tiny legs crawling across my face. My eyes jolted open to find a spider resting on my nose. If one arachnid wasn't enough there were about thirty more scattering out from under the beaten mattress. Roughly two magazines of Ak47 ammunition were wasted that night, and I never slept in that building again. Looking back at the incident now I realize I should have just walked out the door. But I digress; African spiders have nothing to do with a Pikachu in the dirt. At that moment Watchog rushes up to the three of us and raises a finger as he pants from exhaustion.

"Infernape! It's mah fault! I letz Boon out yesturday and nevah told ya."

"Tell me exactly why you didn't say anything when I talked to you yesterday."

"Uh… er… well ya see… I…" Wow. One sentence in and Watchog already failed spectacularly. I turn my attention back towards Infernape who is crossing his arms waiting for the interjecting Pokémon to answer-he never does, just twiddles his excuse for thumbs around. The flaming monkey lets his weight off of Boon who scampers behind me like a scared puppy. I push him back out with the heel of my foot and Infernape crouches low bringing his face mere centimeters away from Boon's.

"You have one more chance. Don't screw it up." He raises his head to mine: "Make sure he doesn't." The ape storms off into the pizza shop with a scowl, and Boon's entire body shudders as he rises back to his feet. Watchog sheepishly grins at us with a hand behind his head.

"Sorry y'all. I tought I could help ya better dan I did… I'll go back ta mah post now." The guard excuses himself rather poorly and rushes back to the gate's lobby area where he came from. I take a glance at Boon who runs his hands through the fur along his head.

"That was my boss. Believe it or not, Infernape is a pretty nice guy most of the time. It's that temper of his that's scary. Anyways, my shift doesn't start for another thirty minutes; I guess we can go do something while I still have time." It would be helpful to have a book with guides to which Pokémon is which. There is a library just down the street; therefore I decide to make my way in that direction. "Wait, are you seriously going to the library!? But that place is sooooooooo boooooorrrrrrriiiiiiiing! And it smells like cheese!" Libraries always do. Nevertheless, I need some guides to carry around and the library is my best bet in finding a few.

The book repository is predictably small for such a cramped town. There are roughly seven shelves of books and a counter for check out. Boon refuses to go inside with me so I'm all alone. On the bright side, Boon was kind enough to lend me his satchel of coins, and I count 150 Poké. The librarians don't even acknowledge my presence which is both a blessing and slightly irritating. I scan the shelves and within minutes come across everything I need: '_National Pokédex: A Guide to Pokémon-Generations I-V'_, '_Jichi Islands Map-Timburr Town and surrounding areas-15 Miles_'_,_'_Jichi Islands-The Legendary Lost Treasure_',and '_Recent Events of the World-20 Years_'. Checkout costs me sixty Poké which leaves Boon and I with only ninety. The map of Timburr Town proves to be extremely beneficial as it is highly detailed. There are even labels for each store, the only buildings not labeled I presume are houses.

Timburr Town's perimeter is a rather simple shape-the eastern half of town is a horizontal rectangle and the western half is shaped into a vertical column. There are two lobbies attached to the eastern wing staying true to the rectangular theme as well-one to the north and one to the south. Judging from the locations of the various stores I conclude Boon and I entered from the south. Most homes are located in the western division (I am 90% sure the house in the northwest corner of town is where I spent the night) but the post office managed to find its way there. Under the post office is the dojo, followed by the fucking monkey's market. Directly to the east of the post office Timburr Town's perimeter wall transitions into a horizontical shape with the pizza shop at the northern tip. Beneath Boon's workplace is Blaziken's carnival game and the drink bar; Kangaskhan's storage depot lies directly across from Exeggutor's smoothie stall. There is a large gap in-between the library (positioned to the south of the northern lobby) and storage which may be Timburr Town's square. The southeast corner of Timburr town is occupied by an unlabeled building (probably more storage for Kangaskhan) but the northeast corner is bare. I look towards the spot and am greeted by the sight of Foongus's bench. On the eastern wall is both Leavanny's shop and Smeargle's tattoo parlor.

"Browley! You're already done in there? That was fast!" Boon sits on the library's roof swinging his feet through the air. He slides himself from between the rafters and plops back onto the dirt; I cough from the resulting dust. Our shopping comes to a close at Leavanny's store. I need a bag to carry my new books and Kecleon's stolen wares in when we acquire them. A chime sounds when I swing open the door to her shop, which is packed with items. Not only are there bags, but I holsters and various cloths hang from the walls as well. Leavanny steps out from behind the wooden counter greeting us with a warm smile.

"Why hello dears. Welcome to my boutique, and I see a new face today! My name is Leavanny, what is yours?" I stare for a handful of seconds before attempting to answer. My voice box once again fails me and I am left mouthing my reply instead. Boon finally steps in and tells the saleswoman my name for me. "Oh! Well no need to be nervous Browley. We are all friends here in Timburr Town!" Tell that to the Elvis wannabe on the west side. "May I help you two find what you need?" Yeah, find me the cause of my transformation and a way off Jichi. I would appreciate it. Boon responds to the question with a "No thank you." With Leavanny preoccupied chatting to my Pikachu ally I take the opportunity to return to what I came here for: finding a bag. I scan my eyes across the various merchandise, ignoring the non-necessities and browsing for an affordable backpack. My search lands me a brown drawstring sack. I'm not entirely pleased with the limited space and lack of complexity but I suppose I can upgrade when I acquire more money. Boon taps me on the shoulder and I tilt my head in his direction in response.

"According to the alignment of the sun and the planet, I postulate the hour to be in sync with the period of my employment schedule!" What? Boon laughs at my expression and translates into understandable terms. "It's time for my shift at work! I'll see ya later!" He is still chuckling as he leaves me inside the store on his way to work. A sigh from Leavanny catches my attention.

"Boon is truly a darling. Perhaps a little on the hyperactive side, but a darling nonetheless." The humanoid Pokémon strolls behind the counter and asks if the bag is all I will be purchasing. Still staring at the door, I nod and Leavanny tells me the price is seventy Poké. I spend the money and roam about Timburr Town in an effort to pass the time. The children are still playing outside so I flip open the Pokédex to their entries. All three kids are engrossed in a game of tag. The smallest child is yellow furred mite called a Joltik. The second child is completely covered in some type of white armor, so I cannot tell what animal it resembles-the Pokédex lists it as Aron. The largest, a brown Pokémon with what appears to be a green alpaca cap, is curiously not recorded. The cover said this guide only goes up to Gen V, so does that mean the Pokémon is from another generation?

"You there! Charmander!" The Aron shouts to me. "Do you wanna play?" I inwardly groan, realizing that my new form is roughly the same size as the children. They probably think I'm a kid as well. "We're playing tag! Do you wanna play with us?" The Aron's friends are now staring at me as well. These kids are rather impatient. They frown when I shake my head 'no'. "Okay then. Let's go somewhere else guys!" The Aron says and the three young Pokémon run off to another part of town.

"BROWLEY!" Boon's voice screeches in my ear. That was a fast shift! I shove the Pikachu out of my comfort zone and motion a 'what?' with my hands and forearms. He is wearing a black baseball cap with 'Inferno's Pizza' stitched onto the front in bold red letters and carrying a box of pizza. "Browley! You're _not _gonna believe this! Guess who just ordered a veggie-lovers pizza!" I don't care. Boon drops a notepad into my hand and I read the order:

_ITEM: Veggie-Lovers Pizza_

_CUSTOMER(S): Wartortle and Vulpix-Exploration Team Shellfire_

_LOCATION: Pachirisu Pass, directly east of Wieldy Jungle_

I blink and reread the order. They can't be serious. Who in their right minds would order a pizza from the same town their victim was headed?

"Do you think it could be a trap?" Boon asks. No shit it's a trap. If even Boon can smell BS then something is seriously flawed with the planned ambush. The good news is that not only do we now know the exact location of the Exploration Team, but we also know what awaits us as well. "Browley? Should we still go after them or not?"

* * *

Timburr Town's northern gate is identical to its southern counterpart. Rather than a Watchog guarding there are three smaller forms of the Pokémon called Patrats. One Patrat is positioned on scaffolding hanging over the gate. There is a viewport to spot any Pokémon outside without leaving the "safety" of the wooden bunker of a room. Beside the metal gate is a crankshift manned by the second Patrat and the final guard walks up the Boon and I.

"Will you two be headed for Division 2 today?" Division 2? What is he talking about? I check my map and notice the areas are split into different groups. The land north of Timburr Town is labeled with a two; the land south of town is labeled with a one. Division 1 contains routes one through three and Division 2 consists of routes four through eight, Pachirisu Pass is located east of route six. With new knowledge on the Jichi Islands' mapping system I nod that I am indeed on my way to the second division. The Pokémon stands at attention and salutes upon my answer. "Right away sir! Futatsu! Open the gate!" Futatsu gives a salute of his own and cranks the wheel he is assigned to. Slowly but surely the metal sheet folds vertically in on itself revealing the outside world.

As soon as Boon and I step outside into the jungle a loud slamming noise announces the gate's closure. I take another look at Division 2's map to chart our direction. By the looks of things it appears that we can get to our destination without entering a single Mystery Dungeon if we follow the straightforward route four and cross route five. That would put us east of Pachirisu Pass, but if this is a trap then the shortest route is likely expected. Perhaps if we hike a little further we can close in on the team from the north.

Boon is shaking like a leaf, something must be wrong with what we are about to do. He notices my stare and composes himself. "Eugh, I'm a little nervous about this. An Exploration Team saved the world _twice_. As if one time wasn't enough! I know these Explorers we're going after aren't the two Pokémon that actually did that, but still." He lets out a forced chuckle eyeing the pizza box still in his hands. "This is nuts! But I still want my peppers and Infernape to get off my back!" I want that cash and Reviver Seed. We walk along route four and within a minute are at the intersection to route five. Across the dirt road is a cliff overlooking our current position. At the top of the cliff is Pachrisu Pass so I pull Boon behind a wall of shrubbery with me.

"Th-that… That's our target. We're uh… g-going to run across this road and um… -climb that hill to the… right." I murmur while drawing out the proposed path with my hand. "Then we'll… -we'll loop around like this," My finger traces a curved line from route five to the pass. "-and hit them above."

"Alright! Where does the pizza come in?"

"It… it doesn't."

"But Infernape is totally gonna beat me up if I don't deliver this!" Fuck, that's true. Then he'll probably come after _me_ for not making sure Boon did his job. Goddammit! Why couldn't Boon be unemployed!? I sigh, at least him having a job means there's a sure-fire income of money.

"Jus-…just drop the pizza on them when we… finish." Boon rapidly drums the cardboard with the palms of his hands.

"Okay! I can do that! Anything else?" I shake my head. "Let's go do something stupid!" Before emerging from the bushes I check the left and right of route five for any additional Pokémon patrolling. Seeing none, I signal for Boon to move and we race across the road and up the hill like planned. There are two tents set up in Pachirisu Pass as well as an unlit fireplace. Wartortle and Vulpix are within plain sight sorting through a purse-like satchel. Are the two Explorers truly too stupid to even set up an ambush? They haven't noticed us yet which is odd considering both my tail flame and orange body are the exact opposite of proper camouflage. Come to think of it, Boon's yellow fur is rather loud as well. A gentle tap on the shoulder from Boon and a whisper: "I'm an electric type. I'll be able to do more damage to Wartortle than you." That information makes this much easier than I suspected; I signal an 'O.K.' and we silently crawl to the north of their camp. Along the way I manage to overhear their conversation.

"Can you believe that Kecleon was charging 1,000 Poké for a Max Elixir? Outrageous!" Wartortle exclaims. Vulpix responds with a nod of the head.

"Some paradise." She sarcastically replies. "The Guildmaster won't even let us visit the local villages."

"What is with that? I'm sure the Wigglytuff Guild gets to go into whichever town they want! Pompous bastards."

"Don't say that, they've earned it. How many expeditions have they failed?"

"Whatever. At least you didn't mention you-know-who."

"Those two? Yes, I wonder if they are exploring these islands as well?"

"I hope not. They would find the Lost Treasure within a week! Why can't they give us rookies a chance to shine?"

"Oh quit complaining."

I wonder who it could be they are talking about. It doesn't matter; the Lost Treasure still does not catch much interest. The peculiar thing about it is how often I've heard its name since I arrived here yesterday. Dismiss that thought, Browley. There are two crooks to cash in before you. I turn to Boon and mouth 'on three' while raising the specified number of fingers, giving them a slight wiggle for good measure. Making a clicking sound with his mouth, he winks and points two fingers at me. The Wartortle pulls a rectangular device from the bag he is sorting through. It looks like… a tape recorder?

"Are you ready to try this thing out?"

"Better now than never."

"Here goes…" He pushes a switch located on the side and sound emits from the machine.

"Audio Diary number 75: I saw a kid in the village today, not more than 18 I would say. Was carrying an AK47 and had a flamethrower strapped to his back. Had on a Kevlar vest with multiple bullet holes littered all over the thing. Doesn't look like a local and he can't be a hired gun-boy's too young. But what do I know? This is Africa. The boy looked like a mess himself-ragged, battered, scarred, tired, you name it. I may sound stupid for saying this here, but a kid that young shouldn't look like that. Other mercs say he came in a couple days ago being dragged by rebels, but managed to escape when a reb shot a N.R.G. soldier. Apparently he was in even worse shape then, mostly everyone thought he would bleed out within a mile. He found a way to survive _somehow_."

I-I know that recording. I stole it off a N.R.G. soldier I killed when storming a diamond mine. I still don't know if he was the voice in the tape or not, but something tells me he didn't steal it. How the fuck did they get their hands on it? The two explorers look confused by the audio, if I were them I would probably be myself.

"Wartortle, what _is_ that thing?"

"I already told you, I don't know! It fell from the sky two nights ago and bopped me on the head!"

"Are there any more of them?" If any survived, yes. I remember carrying at least ten, but I may have picked up more my last day in Africa. This lapse in my memory is beginning to scare me now. I take a glance at my partner who seems mesmerized by the tape recording. A soft jab in the shoulder is enough to break him out of his stupor. We can think about the recording later, it is time to go to work.


	6. The First Outpost

Boon nods, I return the gesture. Before the two Explorers know what hit them we charge from our cover of shrubbery and assault. My first move is to use Growl to weaken the enemies; Boon's first move is to lob his pizza box at Wartortle.

"What the-!?" He shouts in a mixture of shock and confusion. Did they seriously not notice us that entire time? I then score three Scratches on the unsuspecting Vulpix, taking careful precaution to keep my distance from Wartortle. Meanwhile the turtle Pokémon is continually nailed by Boon's constant spamming of electricity. A heated blast of fire rushing out of Vulpix's jaws painfully overcomes my face. With frantic movements I pat out the little fire stubbornly stuck to me—Shit that burns like a mother! I bite my tongue to avoid screaming out and charge towards the fox. My glowing claws connect once again, leaving shallow gashes across her face. Although an injured shriek emits from her throat the fox refuses to stay down.

"INCOMING!" Boon's panicked voice reaches my eardrums just in time for a concentrated rush of water to send me tumbling along the ground in agony. I thought the flames in my face were bad, but the water seems to burn the very insides of my body. Whatever Wartortle had hit me with is hell on my new form. My vision turns blurry and the constant ringing of tinnitus echoes through my skull. All outside noise becomes muffled as I bring my arms between the dirt and my chest; with a grunt I push myself partially back to my feet only to be tackled by Vulpix halfway through completing the action. A thought strikes me: Don't foxes have an extremely sensitive nose? A swift kick to her sniffer leaves her yelping on the ground covering her muzzle with two forepaws. Yes, foxes _do_ have a sensitive nose. I take the window of opportunity to check up on Boon still duking it out with Wartortle. Boon's quite vocal in combat, tossing out taunt after taunt as he flips, kicks, and does cartwheels around an increasingly frustrated water-turtle. Vulpix continues sobbing at her injured nose and her partner has his back turned, full focus on the Pikachu. My legs push me ever closer, my claws glow a blinding white as I swing them across the back of the turtle's head. A satisfying grunt issues from Wartortle who face plants grass with a satisfying thud. "Browley!" Boon points a finger to my 6' at the struggling fire fox digging through the team's satchel with her jaw. He attempts to land a few bolts of electricity but shamefully misses every time. Vulpix drags her head out of the bag carrying a shiny blue orb in her mouth. What does she plan to do with that? She casts us one final look before both she and Wartortle vanish in a beam of light shooting from the clouds. Seconds later more light comes down roughly 200 to 250 meters away to the east. What the fuck…? Did they teleport? "Oh man! Not good!" Boon says. "I think they just used an Escape Orb!" The fuck is an Escape Orb? "Those things can take an entire Exploration Team out of danger." Well perfect. How do they work? "I used one myself; really neat when it isn't in someone else's paws. Anyways, what they do is they turn on when they're near a thing called a Kangaskhan Rock, and then a team can use them to warp back." What happens if a rock isn't passed? Are they duds? Boon stares at me with one ear raised at an angle. "Um… do you want to know more? Okay let me think… Oh! I know! If they aren't activated by a rock they'll still work, but only inside Mystery Dungeons. In that case the thingies will warp the team outside the dungeon." Thank you for being useful. I need to find me a book with this kind of knowledge in it, it will be faster. It is hard to believe there wasn't one at the library.

"O-okay. Let's grab their stuff and-h-head back to town." I mutter wiping the dirt off my form.

"About that…" I eye him expectantly. "Escape Orbs take the bag too." Sure enough the satchel is nowhere to be found. Shit! That means we aren't done yet. Sighing, I wave him over.

"C… come on. I th-_think_ they teleported nearby."

"You need help with that stutter?" Shut up. I pull out the map of District 2 once more as reference. According to my rough estimate, the two would have teleported in between two Mystery Dungeons. To their north would be route seven and to their south route five. The Mystery Dungeon to the presumed location's west slightly dips into what was possibly once part of route five. In response to the invasion of land, the map has route five twist into a fairly wide semicircle wrapping along the perimeter of the dungeon then transition back into a straightforward path. Due to this it is possible to reach our new destination without entering a Mystery Dungeon yet again. We can either squeeze between route eight and the northern half of the dungeon or we could follow route five. Boon looks over my shoulder as I chart our next move with a finger. "So you wanna go North? Alright! Lead the way."

Boon spends the entirety of the otherwise uneventful walk talking about random nonsense. Honestly, nothing he says has any relevance to _anything_. I _do not care_ if Duckletts like to eat peat moss. We finally stumble upon an outpost not very far off from where I guessed. Man, that practice in Africa is paying off even here. I do not wish to rush in yet, so I raise a clenched fist to head level and hope Boon understands the basic signal. To my surprise he does and stops moving immediately. "Holy crap that is a big camp." He whispers. It's true though, we are no longer going after two Explorers anymore. There are roughly five of them in the fortified area. Teepees are scattered all around and thin sheets of metal surround the installation. Now would be a great time to have binoculars again, but unfortunately I lost those when I woke up as a Charmander. These Pokémon we are about to fight _are_ explorers, maybe they will have a pair I can snag.

Despite my lack of an observation tool, with Boon's help we barely make out two of the Pokémon tending to the injuries of their retreated brethren; my Pokédex book identifies them as a Spoink and a Skitty. That puts the count at four, the fifth Explorer—a Baltoy—is guarding the southern entrance. It is a good thing I chose the northern path for we would have been spotted otherwise. None of the Explorers appear threatening, but I know from experience looks can very well be deceiving. I decide not to take any chances. We'll simply creep in from the northern entrance, loot their tents, and sneak back out. My partner rolls his shoulders letting out faint cracking noises.

"So what's the plan this time?" He asks. I relay our course of action which he raises no objections to. Boon doesn't want to fight these guys any more than I. With that we move in towards the outpost and stack up against the northwest wall. Taking a peek through the entrance reveals a reassuring sight—none of the Explorers have taken notice of our presence yet, and I hope we can keep it that way. There is a teepee on the other side of the very same wall we currently hide behind. That will be the first stop. After waving Boon to follow me we carefully take steps inside the tent. There are two stacks of hay in the center and several empty boxes along the sheeted walls. "Well," Boon whispers with his hands on his hips. "There are a lot of boxes, no stolen peppers." Resting inside one of the crates I spy a stack of papers covered in ink: _Spoink's Diary_. Meh, why not? If it helps me learn more about what's happening on this island then it would be foolish to ignore. I shove it into my bag and give a nod to the Pikachu in the room with me. "Are you seriously going to steal that? You bastard!" Boon teases with that grin of his. He checks outside the teepee quickly and delivers a thumbs up. "All clear. The next one is close by too!"

We spend the next couple of minutes hopping from tent to tent. None of them hold what we are looking for, but we do score a Pecha Scarf and a couple of Blast Seeds. To be honest I don't care for the neck warmer, but three makeshift grenades are enough to make me happy. The last tent's entrance is way too close to the Explorers to check without being spotted. Well shit, so much for taking the stealthy approach. I run my thumb along a Blast Seed and gauge the distance. If these explode like a real grenade does then I can take all four of the Explorers out with one throw. My partner can then pick off the fifth one while I search the final tent. I raise the seed in front of Boon's eyes and give it a slight shake, wordlessly asking him, 'How do I make this blow up?' He points towards the tip of the seed and whispers,

"Pull the tip off and count to three. Wait! On second thought, don't count. It explodes after three." Perfect. I follow his instructions and lob the seed to the grouping.

BOOM!

Goddammit! The seed works, though not as well as I hoped. While all four Pokémon were indeed hit in the blast radius, they only suffered minor burns from the explosion. I just alerted the entire camp to our presence. Boon's ears erect themselves straight into the sky in what I assume to be something in between fear and shock.

"HOLY CRAP!" He screams. Within seconds all five Explorers stop what they were previously doing and break into formations. Shit, these guys are organized. Wartortle limps to the nearby tent while barking orders to the rest of the Pokémon.

"Spoink! Skitty! Take left flank, Vulpix suppress with Flamethrower and Baltoy take right!" Thank you for calling out your plan, dick-for-brains. I elbow Boon and whisper my own command:

"Sh-shoot Vulpix and take out B-Ba-Baltoy. I'll handle right." Boon responds with "You got it!" and I focus on the incoming Pokémon. A Growl escapes my lips and I toss my next Blast Seed at the charging duo. Vulpix shoots off a brilliant burst of flame I narrowly dodge which Boon responds to by launching a few streams of lightening in her direction. Out of the three, only one manages to make impact but Vulpix shows no signs of slowing down. My claws scrape against Skitty's hide yet it too refuses to throw in the towel. Without warning a beam of glittering light emits out of the pink orb balancing atop Spoink which hits me in the hip. Clutching my pounding pelvis, I duck underneath a glob of repulsive smelling purple liquid released from Skitty's mouth and retaliate with another Scratch. Spoink once again tries to blast me with the laser move but this time I'm ready for him (or her, I can't tell). My arms hold Skitty firmly in place as the rest of my body swings over the pink kitten. I ram my hands into her side and push as hard as I can. It takes some effort but I shove her into the line of fire for use as my living shield. Perhaps the half-baked plan worked out _too _well. The laser causes the Skitty to explode in a brilliant shower of blood and organs. Most people would be scared out of their mind, but I have already had my time for that. One of the highest pitched squeels I have ever heard penetrates throughout the battlefield. Reflexively I twist my head towards Boon who stands above an unconscious Baltoy screaming bloody murder.

"WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!? Are they trying to _kill_ us!?" Apparently! Which means that I am no longer concerned with bringing Kecleon back two living thieves. Spoink stares wide eyed at its friendly fire giving me the perfect opportunity to activate my last Blast Seed and lob it at the spring-based pig. The effect is rather comedic—a fine coating of soot covers Spoink from head to toe (spring?), much like cartoon characters when a bomb goes off in their faces. A single Scratch is enough to knock out the otherwise defeated Explorer. With both Baltoy and Spoink out cold, the two Pokémon who brought us here in the first place are all that's left. Neither two are anywhere to be seen. Did those cowards run off _again_? At least this time they had the courtesy to leave us their bag, it sits just outside the tent they were inadvertently guarding. Perhaps during the fight Wartortle retrieved the satchel to find more items. I can hardly believe we let those two get away twice now. Then out of the corner of my eye I notice a Pokémon sprinting through the foliage: Vulpix. That orange fur of hers does her no favors. Her partner is still missing, but it is far better to get one than to get none. Pointing a finger in the direction of the abandoned satchel, I give chase.

"G-go through their bag! I'll be right back!" I shout as I sprint after my target. She lowers her head with tightly clenched eyes upon catching sight of me. "Get away! Get away from me!" She is running South, straight for a Mystery Dungeon. The bitch intends to loose me in that labyrinth, I need to hurry or she will succeed. Unfortunately for her, the hill curves down—yet Vulpix foolishly continues to run, giving me the high ground. I got her now. I bend my legs as much as I can, following by launching myself into the air above my prey. Gravity completes the pounce, sending both of us rolling along the dirt of route five just above the dungeon's entrance. The weight of my impact as well as the force from tumbling twists her right hind leg into an unnatural shape, making my job all the more easy. Naturally she attempts to drag herself away from my approaching figure, but her broken leg makes her maneuvering slow and unsteady. There is fresh blood smearing itself along her path, I notice a bone forcefully jutting out from just above the joint in her hind leg. There are visible tears running across her muzzle as well, but whether they are from fear or pain I do not know.

I am reminded once again of my journey before awaking in the Jichi islands. As the body count of men I killed in Africa rose, people began to tell stories. Granted, these stories were all insane rumors, but rather fun to listen to nonetheless. One of the craziest rumors I heard was that I am a literal monster from some ancient folklore reincarnated in human flesh who would rather torture my victims than kill them quickly. 'Victims', they even called them that! In actuality, I would rather my targets to die quickly than slowly. A slow death means they might call for medical attention, or if all their buddies nearby are dead, someone else might be able to find and help them later. The hardcore motherfuckers might even attempt shooting me with their sidearm while they bleed out. For obvious reasons I could not have any of the above happening, so I would do dying combatants the favor of finishing them off then and there. Here I am making that same decision again, only this time I'm choosing to finish off a super-powered fox. My weapons are all gone, and I suspect my PP is running low from the fight. I scan the road looking for something, _anything_ to use. Thankfully I spy a rather large boulder on the road. That will do nicely. With some effort I lift it above the quivering Pokémon.

"Please…"She begs softly. I raise the rock higher before letting it drop.

* * *

Back at the outpost Boon has the satchel strapped around his right shoulder with the carrying case resting along his left hip/leg. He seems rather nervous, and he should be. Two Pokémon died (he only knows of one at the moment) and someone managed to escape. Because _we_ were the attackers, Wartortle is no doubt going to say we were responsible for the deaths. Regardless, Boon reports his progress on our task.

"They have peppers and stuff Kecleon would sell in here, so I think we got everything. Oh, and the tent was empty except for a bed and this map." He hands said map to me and I discover it to be almost a duplicate of the one I am carrying now. What stands out are the two brightly colored markings with numbers underneath them. There is one mark in our current location and another mark in the northwest corner just south of a Mystery Dungeon. I stare at the markings for a handful of seconds then realize that these are the locations of Exploration Team camps. _This_ will be useful. I pack the new map and realize we still have another problem to deal with. I clear my throat before speaking.

"He-Hey Boon?" The Pikachu looks in my direction. "T-" My speech cuts itself off and after several seconds of silence I am forced to swallow in order to finish my sentence. "Th-there's still two Explorers here."

"Yeah?"

"We… can't let them live."

"What!? Why not!?" He shouts. My eyes dart to the side as I contemplate how to explain this to him.

"Because th-they'll wake up and tell ev-v-v-everyone. Or they'll c-come after us." Boon stares at his feet in contemplation for a good deal of time. Finally he brings his gaze up ever so slightly and sighs.

"Fine. But _I'm_ not going to do it." I yank the stakes used to hold the tents down out from the dirt and casually I approach Spoink, scanning his unconscious form. There are still faint streams of smoke rising from his nostrils. I'm no expert on Pokemon anatomy so I cannot simply aim for the heart. Instead my first stake finds itself rammed between the pig's eyes. Bright red blood squirts out in a manner much like when one places a finger on the nozzle of a fully blasting gardening hose. The stake is pushed further into Spoink's cranium for good measure. There is still a bright pink ceramic ball resting a short distance from the head of the now passed on Explorer. Judging from the condition I believe the orb looks like it can fetch a good price, so I pack it when Spoink's blood ceases it's threats of dislodging my carefully placed stake. Baltoy proves to be quite the challenge to kill due to the hardened surface of it's skin. Its surface is comparable to hardened pottery clay; a light tapping with my knuckles creates a hollow thumping sound. Regardless, I attempt to lodge my stake into what I can only assume is the head, but to no avail—it simply leaves a harmless white streak. I think back to when Wartortle hit me with water and when Vulpix shot fire at my face. Logically the fire should have harmed me far more than the squirts of H2O, yet the opposite held true. Perhaps I am still thinking incorrectly on these moves. Maybe Pokemon battles are not truely between two monsters, but rather between the Ambers (or as Boon would say, PEN15s) of the two. Skitty's combustion was an example of Amber attacking the actual combatant. As to why this happened I don't have the slightest idea. All I know for sure is that something went horribly wrong back there, and now three Pokemon are dead as a result. I'm about to increase that count to four, I only have to figure out how to kill Baltoy. An idea forms in my head at that instant. The idea may not work at all but it is worth a try. I shrug off my backpack and weigh it in my hands. While it is certainly not as heavy as the boulder used on Vulpix, brute force should be able to crack through the armor with enough swings. Sure enough it does. When I finish tying up the loose ends I am able to, I wave for Boon to follow me. He hesitantly nods and we silently trek back to Timburr Town. Boon takes several looks back at the outpost the entire trip.

* * *

The moment we reach town we report straight to Kecleon behind Elvis' shop who greets us with open arms, literally. I choose not to accept the hug, but after what Boon went through today I can't fault him for taking up the offer. Our employer, still embracing the Pikachu, looks me straight in the eyes.

"So I assume you weren't able to bring me back two crooks to use as training dummies in the dojo." He says. I nod and Kecleon takes an uncomfortable glance to the Pokémon still tightly attached to his purple chest. "Alright Boon, you can let go now." He informs. When Boon still refuses to remove himself, the delivery boy pries him off with both hands. "Did you at least get my crap?" The still shaken Pikachu hands Kecleon the entire Exploration Team satchel as an affirmative. Kecleon simply shakes the bag empty over a hollow wooden crate. He looks through all the items and gives a satisfied nod of approval at the merchandise. "Excellent! Very wonderful! Now I can go back to the temple and bring more supplies. This time I'll hire bodyguards… Ah! One more thing!" Kecleon digs through the wooden box and pulls out a handful of peppers as well as a single seed. The chameleon hands the peppers to Boon and utters a "Catch!" to me before he tosses the seed underhand. I examine the Reviver Seed closely and notice a faint red vein glowing ever so slightly from within. Reviver Seeds have a glowing red vein, I'll remember that for later.

Our next stop is the pizza shop; Boon needs to pick up his next order and get back to work. Deciding that reporting to Infernape is not my job, I allow my backup to enter the store unaccompanied. While I wait on Boon, the children from earlier today return. The armored whatever-the-hell-it-is looks me in the eyes and repeats the offer from earlier.

"Do you wanna play now, Charmander?" Fucking kids, go away. I shake my head no for a second time to which Aron replies: "Are you sure? We'll go easy on you if you want." With my right hand I gesture for them to scram, but they simply refuse to let me be this time. "Do you not like tag? We can play hide-and-seek! Or cops-and-outlaws! Or rescue teams! Or Poker!" I blink. What was that last one? The door to Inferno's Pizza swings open and out steps Boon carrying a stack of pizza boxes almost as tall as him (which come to think about, isn't actually very tall). All three of the kids squeal in delight upon seeing the columns of cheese and tomato paste. "PIZZA! Can we have some? Can we? Can we? Canwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwe-" _This_ is why I hate kids. Not being able to stand their annoying begging any longer, I perform Growl on the children which scares them off to some other part of town, possibly to their mothers. Boon shoots me a disapproving frown which I promptly ignore.

"Hey Browley, you might want to head to my house. Infernape says it's about to rain again." I look to the clouds and notice they are indeed both dark and low. I cannot believe I forgot that tropical islands tend to receive shitloads of rainfall. "I'll be delivering pizza for another couple of hours, so I'll see you when I see you. I already told my boss there's a Pokémon outside town wanting to kill me, so I'll be in Timburr-no homo-if you need me." Alright then. I don't fully approve of telling Infernape any hints of how the delivery ended, but as long as Boon didn't specify _why_ Wartortle is possibly circling the wall, waiting for us go back outside, then I suppose it's okay. "You know where the keys are, right?" Boon checks; I nod. "Great! See you later!" He rushes off towards the southwest and I take another look at the clouds above. Before I go back to bed I should sell the scarf we stole from the outpost. There is no way I'm going to talk to the monkey, so instead I walk east to Leavanny's.

"Oh! Hello dear, it's so good to see you again." The leaf Pokémon greets me as I step into her shop. "How may I help you?" Soundlessly I open my rucksack and point to the neck warmer, causing Leavanny's eyes to sparkle for a brief moment. "Is that a Pecha Scarf? My, and in perfect condition as well! If you would like to sell this I can offer 90 Poké." I take the money and offer the drawstring sack as well. She seems a bit disappointed I only used it for a day, but offers me 50 Poké regardless. I will never understand how I can make more money from a scarf than from a bag.

* * *

That night while lying in my cot I decide to read through Spoink's entries. After all, it's not like he'll be able to get upset about it anymore. Boon's snoring is also rather difficult to drift off to so I figure I might as well use my time for something semi-productive. Using my tail as a backlight, I squint at the text messily written on the stack of paper.

_Spoinks Diary_

_Entry 1- January 20th _

_Today's the day!_

_Yippee! I finally did it! I joined an Exploration Team! I so dearly wished to join the Wigglytuff Guild like my heroes, but after their recruits saved the world twice Chatot was forced to raise the standards to deal with the ginormous amounts of Pokémon wanting to join. Team Shellfire is a good team though, Squirtle is a friendly leader and Vulpix is nice too! I hope I can become as strong as my idols! Ever since they found my lost pearl, I've wanted to join an Exploration Team just like them! Already we are heading on an expedition! I am so excited! Squirtle says the place we're going to is an archipelago called the Jichi Islands. I wonder what types of treasures we can find there? _

Wow. First day on the job and already he's deployed? Rough luck, I killed him only a couple months into his career. Meh, that's how the cookie crumbles I guess. I wonder how many people in Africa I killed who were just barely starting out? I know at least one of them was sorely regretting ever coming to the country (or even the continent) as he ran through the jungle. Getting the drop on him was fun, his face was the best part of the experience. God, I sound so morbid. I wonder what other entries Spoink wrote…

_Entry 2- January21st_

_Seasickness_

Bleh, I don't feel like reading about that. I gaze from the diary and settle my attention on the nearby table. On it rests three fresh Jichi Island peppers. Boon already ate about twelve of them, but he was courteous enough to leave me a few. With both hands I push myself out of bed and walk to the remaining plants. My partner warned me multiple times these are extremely hot, but how bad can they be? I've tried the habanero and lived to tell the tale, (okay, I lived to keep the tale forever ingrained into my memory.) so why would this be any different? My index and thumb gently pluck one pepper by the stem and raise it over my open maw. With a quick_ 'snap' _my muzzle closes on my snack and I roll the food in my mouth as I chew. Hmph, I don't see what the big deal is-_holy fuck that is insane! _Already I can feel the effects of the pepper spreading. My mouth is overcome with the heat and I cannot help panting like a dog at the intensity. Where does Boon keep the trough of water? All the way on the opposite end of the room? Of course it is, Murphy's Law is in effect now. I rush to the canister of water and plunge my face in, not caring how warm it is. I try to swallow the liquid but the pepper is so hot it seems as if there's a lump in my throat. With a quick movement I swing open the door to the outside and spit out all the water swishing inside my mouth. A burning in my stomach persists, making me feel the urge to vomit. The sheer number of times this island has fucked with my digestive system in two days is staggering. _Why did I eat that stupid pepper!? _From inside the shack I can hear muffled laughter. When I look back into the interior I catch a quick movement in the top bunk, followed by exaggerated snoring.

I don't dream of Africa. Instead in my dream I'm lying in the sand and completely motionless. That very same voice from when I first arrived on these islands speaks again, but this time my hearing is muffled by the constant pounding of my heartbeat. I can discern only some of the words spoken. "This…my…here. You…left…contaminated…inside. Inside of…all...you…gave…Brooke…explain..." The dream ends there, and I awake to another morning in Jichi. Silently I yawn as I rub the sleep from my eyes and contemplate on the dream. What the hell _was_ that? When my feet drop from the cot to the floor there is a dull stiffness in my thighs. My stomach still feels slightly queezy and swallowing remains an uncomfortable task. Boon leans over the edge of his hanging fabric and cheerfully greets me with a friendly, "Good morning!" I nod a greeting in return while reaching for the fruit bowl resting on the cabinet. While I'm up I decide to read the sheet of paper still carelessly tossed next to the picture frame. To my dissapointment it is simply a mess of illegible scribbles. Shrugging my shoulders I grab a kiwi and after peeling it in two with my claws, chow down. "Hey! Toss me one those, won't ya?" Boon shouts. He fumbles with the thrown fruit at first but succeeds in catching it with his feet. I glance at the table with the two remaining peppers as Boon licks at the green of his breakfast and I remember I never finished reading the diary last night. The third entry is about arriving at the islands. Much like I overheard, the "Guildmaster" of Team Shellfire forbids the Exploration team from visiting local villages, although no reason for the decision is given. Entries four though eight are irrelevant rants about performing guard duty rather than exploring as the job title entails, however entry nine is interesting, even if it _is_ short.

_Entry 9-May 3rd_

_Evolution!_

_Squirtle evolved today! While we were exploring a dungeon my team leader glowed brightly and transformed into Wartortle! Vulpix says I'll be able to evolve too if I keep up my hard work!_

_P.S. I still haven't seen my heroes yet, and I get the impression Wartortle is jealous. Don't worry though! We can make it if we work just as hard as they did!_

So Wartortle is an evolved Pokémon? I wonder if Squirtle is similar to Pichu in that they are both base forms. More importantly, can I evolve? Not that I want to, I'm still getting used to this Charmander body. But what does evolution even do? Boon didn't go into much detail of the topic. If it only changes the appearance of a Pokémon then I cannot see any practical use for the process at all. Well, maybe disguise. But that too could be seen through by those with knowledge of what species transforms into what alternate form. _Hurr, where did the Squirtle go? All that's here is a Wartortle, hyuck!_ I flip through the remaining entries and when I am about to throw the stack of papers out the door one page catches my eye:

_Entry 34-June 9th_

_Sickness?_

_A Pokémon passed by our camp today, but it looked sick. It staggered around when it walked and its eyes were red and puffy. Wartortle tried to tell the Pokémon to rest in our camp but he said it just shook its head and rushed on towards Timburr Town mumbling something. We completed more jobs sent to us by the E.T.F. in the mail, but by the end of the day none of us saw that Pokémon again. I hope it's alright…_

Why does this interest me so much? Something about this entry just calls out to me, as if reaching my subconscious. Perhaps this has something to do with the holes in my memory? With a free hand I wave Boon over and show him the few sentences. Maybe he knows something about this. The Pikachu's eyes dart back and forth across the paper and every couple of seconds his ears twitch. "I don't remember this guy." Boon says. "Then again, I was partying too hard that day to pay attention to anything. Did I tell you that's my birthday?" Congratulations. "Anyways, ask Watchog about it. Or the Patrats. _They_ run the gates." Of course, the guards surely have information about this Pokémon. We head out the door and walk along the northern wall of Timburr Town immediately. Suddenly, a thought occurs to me-what am I even doing? I want to escape this island, yet I have no idea where to even start. Based on the limited technology I have seen so far it may be reasonable to assume these islands don't have a plane I can use to fly away in, unlike Africa. This tail is also making me paranoid about leaving via water. The only things I have to go on are my first few seconds on this island, that strange dream, and the impulse I had felt when reading Spoink's diary. Something tells me they are all connected somehow. The question is—how? I will need to learn about the Jichi Islands more than I thought. Studying my environment is no longer about survival; it is about escape as well. This mystery Pokémon had my curiosity, but now it has my attention.

Upon arrival of the north gate, the lead Patrat from yesterday greets us with the same message as before, like a broken record. "Will you two be headed for Division 2 today?" The guard asks. I shake my head no; if we do leave today, it won't be right now. "Then how may I assist you?" I let my eyes roll to Boon so he may answer for me.

"Do you remember any drunk Pokemon stumbling through here on the. .." Boon snaps his fingers in rapid succession. "Ninth?"

"Of this month?" Patrat clarifies. He brings a finger to his chin in thought for a moment, then lowers it back down to his side. "Yes, I believe so. I unfortunately cannot recall which type of Pokemon it was, and my documentations of him are missing. I suspect _someone_-" he casts a glare at the Patrat on the scaffolding who shrinks out of sight. "-used the paperwork to wipe his bum!" Fuck! Useless! With no more to talk about, Boon says our goodbyes and we trek across town to the southern gate. Watchog is just as helpful.

"Naw, I ain't seen naw poke-man dat day dat I's can 'member." He informs us in his broken English. My lips part ways to allow a heavy sigh to escape then firmly seal shut. This is getting me nowhere quickly.


	7. First Time's Hard

We check the entire town, yet there are curiously no leads to be found. Every member of town Boon asks shakes his or her head no and tells us the mystery Pokémon was never around. It is as if the Pokémon went through the gate and vanished. I rack my brain as I attempt to piece together what happened. Could it be the mysterious figure was successfully able to sneak from building to building without detection and exit? Perhaps the Pokémon was simply not notable enough for the townsfolk to remember. If the former is true then I may be chasing after someone I have no hope of catching. However, if the latter is true then I may be wasting my time worrying about nothing significant. If the entirety of a village is not concerned, why should I be? I take a glance at the bag we stole from the Exploration Team known as Shellfire. I stifle a laugh, that's such a stupid name. I don't know if they just combined the turtle's shell and the fox's element for quick paperwork or if they consciously wanted to make a terrible pun. I do not claim to be the master of naming either. Thinking of titles was never my strong suit, not in Africa and not on these islands. I met at least seven people who would name their guns when I was stranded in that third world country. Sometimes the names would be obvious for a weapon, such as Sasha, Nicole, Lucy, or even Charlene. I'm about ninety percent sure that last name was at least partially inspired by Full Metal Jacket. The other three names I can remember off the top of my head were a tad more original: Geraldo, Shauntal, and Seacrest. But I digress, Shellfire could call themselves whatever they wanted, I would have still killed them and stole their supply satchel. The bag is slightly bigger than the drawstring sack I used before, but the extra space is always welcome. The strap however, I'm not very fond of. Not only will the weight of a fully packed bag cause it to painfully dig into my shoulder, the single strap is also more likely to slip off me than a standard backpack. The purse-like structure is damaging to my self image as well. I raise my view to the sign once again resting above me. Inferno's Pizza has a way of wasting my time. At this rate it may be advisable to ditch my travel guide Boon and venture on my own. If I could survive Africa by myself then surely a little island won't stop me. Then again, this island is filled with Pokémon—something Africa lacked. A bell rings as the door swings open, Boon in the doorway handling three boxes of pizza. His eyes are wide and his mouth rests in an uncomfortable frown. With one hand he reaches for a note stuck to the top of his pizza stack and hands it to me.

_ITEM: 3 Veggie-Lovers Pizzas with extra cheese hold the onion_

_CUSTOMER(S): Delcatty and Braviary—Exploration Team Kitten Wing_

_LOCATION: Exploration Camp Sigma, Southwest of The Path to Trade_

Jesus Christ. Are we really expected to go back outside town so soon? Boon just told his boss yesterday somebody was trying to kill him just outside Timburr's walls. Infernape is either an asshole or assumed Boon was attempting to lighten his workload. I make eye contact with the Pikachu and sigh. We might as well get this over with. I try thinking of the bright side and realize that this gives us the perfect opportunity to kill Wartortle. If we do that then we will never have to worry about him again. Now something else that most others would consider is there is only one enemy out there. What harm could one guy do? There are two reasons why this logic is flawed. One reason is because although there is only one of him, there are also only two of us. This means statistically he is outnumbered by only fifty percent and can remove that fifty with minimal work. The other reason is because numbers do not win battles. Now don't get me wrong here—numbers help out a whole lot. In most circumstances numbers will get the job done. After all, one can only hold out for so long. But the issue is when the side with the high numbers consists of nothing but meatheads. While they may be big and intimidating, superior tactics will get the better of them. How the fuck did I survive in Africa for so long? I learned my enemies' tactics (or lack thereof. After all, none of them were trained soldiers, just a bunch of sweaty dudes with guns) and discovered I'm a natural with a gun. I assume hand-eye coordination is a factor. It is lucky for me on that last part, because it took a couple of days to be able to predict the militiamen's actions.

Back in the real world, the Pikachu is passing the time practicing his wall running. He's almost got it down to Matrix quality. Handing back the slip of paper, I nod to Boon who blinks in disbelief.

"You can't be serious." he says. "I mean-I think you want me to go ahead and deliver these things, but you know there's a highly trained Explorer out there looking for us." I raise a brow. "There's an Explorer out there looking for us." Boon corrects. An uncomfortable handful of seconds passes. The pizza boy's eyes widen ever so slightly and his jaw dramatically drops low enough for me to cringe inside. "You don't care, do you?" Nope. "Browley! We barely escaped District 2 alive yesterday!" Funny, I remember pulverizing those rookies. Boon sets the pizzas down by the door and throws his hands to his hips. "What makes you think we could survive when the Exploration Teams are expecting us?" Meh, can't live in fear forever. "Don't think I can't see that look in your eyes. You think Explorers are overhyped weaklings!" They are! Just because two of them supposedly 'saved the world' doesn't mean all Explorers are elite combatants. My tour guide stares me in the eyes. "Well? Say something! I'm tired of guessing!"

"W-w-we-"

"Whu-whu-what?" He asks imitating my stutter.

"W-we..." I feel something in my throat sealing off the rest of the sentence. I swallow hard to force it down and attempt to continue, but only succeed in making choking noises. Boon pinches the bridge of his nose (Hm, does he actually have a nose bridge? Maybe he's simply using part of his muzzle as substitution) and releases a heavy sigh.

"Just… don't bother. You're probably right anyways. Infernape is going to kick my ass if I don't deliver these. I'm just trying to be careful, you know?" He's right. As much as I hate to admit, he's right. Going outside town so soon after killing—what? Three or four Pokémon and letting another get away is extremely dangerous. I've been underestimating the enemy, and that can have fatal consequences. Still, we have to deliver the pizza and deal with Wartortle before he actually can do any damage. Boon lifts the pizza boxes again and I adjust the strap to our bag. We enter the lobby to the North of Timburr Town and I nod the affirmative to Patrat's repeated question. Boon looks to the overhead balcony, sticking his fingers into his mouth and blowing which creates a shrill whistling noise. The same Patrat who supposedly used official documents as toilet paper pops its head into view, red eyes darting every which way before settling on me, then Boon.

"Yottsu of Timburr Town Security reporting for duty! How may I be of service?" He calls out, saluting as if by reflex. Boon's head tilts to one side as he asks for Overwatch while we use the gate. Of course, he doesn't use those exact words. He said something more along the lines of,

"Hey Patrat! Can you make sure nothing is coming to get us when we leave?"

"Roger that!" The brown furred Pokémon responds before he swiftly vanishes from sight in the balcony.

"Futasu! Open the gate!" Barks the leader of the Patrats with a finger held high above his head. Futasu salutes (this display is going to get old quickly) and twists the crank located by said gate. The sheet of metal slowly rises making a rhythmic thudding noise. Boon and I exit the lobby looking both ways to make sure Wartortle is not hiding out of sight by pressing against the walls out of Yottsu's view. Thankfully the coast is clear so I reach into our bag and check the new map. Exploration Camp Sigma is presumably northwest of Wieldy Jungle. However, it is backed against an inaccessible cliff wall to the west and two rather large Mystery Dungeons prevent entrance from both the north and the south. If we head to Camp Sigma, the only entrance is to the camp's east, right off of Route 10. I do not wish to waste any more time standing in a single spot checking the map, so I signal for Boon to follow and we walk north along Route 4. Boon sticks a finger into his nostril and digs out a flaky booger which he carelessly flicks into the dirt at the intersection of Route 4 and 5.

"So…" He begins, "How has life as a Charmander been treating you?" Aside from killing four Pokémon on my second day and consequently having a blue turtle running around quite possibly looking for vengeance? For all my bitching, I've had it worse. I shrug my shoulders and note Wieldy Jungle is to my right and a mountain of rock to my left. The road ahead continues for a good 75 meters before curving to the right around the mentioned Mystery Dungeon. Boon stares at the distortion effect the edges of Dungeons create and chuckles. "Kind of funny how we've been avoiding those places." Why's that? "Exploration Teams go through them all the time. I don't see the point though. I mean, if a Mystery Dungeon changes layouts every few seconds, what's the point of exploring them? You can't map 'em! Maybe I'm missing something." Yeah, probably. The dirt road comes to a sudden stop directly in front of another Dungeon. By the looks of things it appears that the road was created first and the Dungeon overtook it. Well shit, looks like we'll have to hug the wall until we get to the destination.

As we walk along the edge of the Dungeon, I wonder if it has a name like Wieldy Jungle did. Boon runs a hand along the distortion, creating a trail along the scattered images much like when one runs something along water. However, unlike water's circular rings, the Dungeon's were much more… square-ish. I don't even think that's a word. When we reach viewing distance of the northern Mystery Dungeon I spy two Pokémon apparently keeping watch. I don't want to take any chances, so I crouch down behind the cover of the southern Dungeon's distortion effect and wave my hand for Boon to do the same. The creature closest to us resembles a baby elephant, only it is a bright shade of baby blue with what appears to be a red bandage across its trunk. There is a dull pink cloth wrapped around its neck and a yellow bag identical to ours strapped to its flank. According the my Pokédex handbook this Pokémon is known as a Phanpy, and despite being only about two feet long and one-and-a-half feet tall, weighs roughly seventy five pounds. The Pokémon accompanying Phanpy is a sheep colored a far darker shade of blue. It has yellow wool which I can almost swear gives off the faintest of glows. This Pokémon is apparently called a Mareep, and weighs a much more reasonable seventeen pounds. The Phanpy kicks the dirt at its feet and speaks in a disturbingly young voice.

"Man, I'm so hungry! When's the pizza gonna get here?"

"I don't know." The Mareep replies, boredom evident in her voice. "The town isn't very far from here, so it should arrive any moment now." Phanpy looked away for a split second, then turned back angling his head.

"Why did Mr. Wartortle say not to order pizza, Mareep?" Oh shit.

"The same reason we did anyways, champ." Oh shit, no. Phanpy is bouncing now, eagerness clearly etched on his face.

"We're going to get those outlaws? Awesome! I always wanted to catch an outlaw!" Then he stops, and raises his trunk to the sky, twitching it every half a second. "Do you smell that? It smells like… pizza!" I can't stay hidden for twelve seconds can I? I sprint from cover and Boon rolls to the side with static lighting up his cheeks. The Phanpy dodges my claws but in the process is struck by one of Boon's electric attacks. Before I can even register it, Mareep charges at me with her head held low, tackling me to the ground.

"Phanpy! RTB and tell the others the outlaws are here!" She orders with a paw on my chest. The small elephant runs westward and curls into a ball, rolling off like a vehicle's wheel at a speed which should be impossible for such a small creature (especially if it is as heavy as my book says) to achieve. I pull a leg up and kick Mareep in the gut, knocking her off me but twisting my ankle as well. The glowing waves of a Growl attack launch from Boon's open mouth into Mareep, whose tail glows a bright yellow as her wool becomes encased in static. Beams of light launch themselves randomly from her body and home in on her targeted Pikachu. Miraculously, Boon does not appear to be in bad shape at all after being hit with so much electricity. The electric sheep stops glowing so I use the moment of opportunity to deliver more Scratches and a Growl on her. In a swift movement, Boon drops to all four legs and waves a hand at me.

"Hey! Watch this!" He shouts. My companion spins around until his rear faces Mareep and swings his tail downwards. A glowing light not unlike the one from a Growl appears from where Boon swung his appendage and speeds into Mareep. She doesn't even flinch, but Boon looks rather pleased with himself regardless. "Hit her!" I use Scratch and am surprised to see the sheep fall unconscious immediately. My partner fist pumps at our victory and picks his pizza boxes back up. "That was sweet! Let's try not to kill this one." I stare at the lamb still trying to understand what Boon did to make her go down so quickly. "You likey?" he asks. "That one's called Tail Whip. It makes them get weaker or something." Tail Whip… that move is pretty useful. Wonder why he didn't use it sooner. The Pikachu stands over Mareep's body with his hands placed on his hips and a grin plastered on his face. "Yep, it might have took you two hits to beat her if I didn't use that attack. Yay for me!" Well that isn't much of a difference. I thought Tail Whip meant one-hit KO. Apparently not. Boon's grin falls as he spends more time staring. He points a finger at Mareep's neck and nervously asks, "What's that?" There is a large spot of deep purple fur where it was once blue. I place a hand on the stain to discover it is wet, and getting more soaked by the second. When I pull my hand away from the spot I see it is now covered in a sticky red liquid. Oh for fuck's sake, seriously? The one time I'm trying not to kill someone and I accidently slice open her neck.

From the direction Phanpy rolled off to, a loud siren rings through the trees; a couple birds scatter from the sudden noise. Boon stops gaping at the corpse, twisting his body towards the sound.

"Ohmygawdquickhidethebody!" He shouts at a hundred miles per second. It takes a moment for me to decipher his words, but when I do I roll Mareep into the nearby Mystery Dungeon to the south. Once past the distortion barrier, her body vanishes entirely, lost within the unnatural void. Boon exhales the breath he apparently had been holding and runs his hands over the boxes of pizza. "So what do we do now?" The alarm is going to attract too much unwanted attention; we have to shut it off. I point to the west and Boon seems to get the message. "Aw man, again?" He complains. "Last time we went to a camp you…" The Pikachu points at the blood stains on the grass, "Did _that_ to everyone except Wartortle. What ever happened to Vulpix though?" Immediately after asking Boon's face drops in sudden realization. He quickly shakes it off and drops to all fours, ditching the pizza in the process. "Well come on then! Let's turn that annoying noise off!"

* * *

Camp Sigma is almost identical to that of Shellfire's. There are metal sheets stacked this way and that to form walls and large featureless teepees are scattered randomly with no sense of organization. However, in the midst of camp is a wooden pole stretching high into the sky. A thick rope holds two speakers shaped like wide open jaws to the stick. A moat filled with water also surrounds the installation and only a single bridge acts as both the entrance and exit to camp. Well that's just fucking stupid. One of Murphy's combat laws is 'Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.' I notice the Explorers in Sigma are busy, rushing around while tying bandanas of assorted colors around their necks. Curiously the Phanpy is nowhere to be seen. I'll have to keep an eye on that. A tan Pokémon with tufts of purple fur on its head, neck, and tail takes notice of us.

"There they are!" She calls to the other Explorers. A miniscule Pokémon with roses for hands (don't ask) pops its head up from behind a metal sheet in eagerness.

"Heck yeah! Let's get 'em!" He shouts as he thrusts one arm in our direction. The green Pokémon vaults over the metal sheet and charges straight for us. The tan and purple Pokémon gasps.

"Roselia! Wait! He's a fire type!" She warns to deaf ears. Do Roselia even have ears? Boon leans towards me speaking from the side of his mouth.

"Erm, now would be a good time to learn a fire attack." Before Roselia can even reach us our surroundings suddenly become darker, as if shrouded in a shadow. I quickly crane my neck to the sky and see a large bird of prey diving at me. "Browley! Watch out!" Boon shoots electricity from his left hand at the bird, causing it to caw in pain. It rears off-target and lands a couple feet away from Boon and I. I use a Growl on the downed bird and elbow Roselia who is now close enough to smell my sweat.

"Stay off Braviary you criminals!" Roselia commands. Does he honestly expect us to listen? I answer his order with Scratch, Growl, and a shove to his gut. He retaliates by slamming his roses on my head, which actually hurts more than it sounds. Boon is too busy lighting up Braviary and dodging his many pecks to help me out, so it looks like I'm on my own. I smack Roselia off me with the back of my hand then follow up with more Scratches. "What's the matter? Two weak for fire?" He taunts. Both flowers on his hands glow purple as he swings them around himself making stereotypical karate noises. "How'd you like my Swords Dance, butt face?" Butt face? I'm caught off-guard when he delivers an uppercut into my chin, which strangely seems to hurt more than his other blows.

"Did he say Swords Dance?" Boon asks from atop Braviary's head. He holds onto the largest feathers growing from around the beak for dear life. "Watch out for that! It makes him stronger!" Braviary rolls onto his back, forcing Boon to jump off to avoid being crushed. "I learned that the hard way in the dojo…" he mumbles. "Hang on! Almost done here!" Seeing as Roselia is now more likely to beat the shit out of me, I kick him in what I assume to be the shin and rush to my combat partner's aid.

Braviary looks worse for wear. His/Her breaths are heavy and too exhausted to bring his/her wings up anymore. Its eyes jump to my position and flash a bright yellow for a moment. Boon cringes, calling out the move as Leer. I'm too busy Scratching the shit out of Braviary's chest to hear what it is Leer does however. In one final act of battle, Braviary lifts his/her lengthy neck and swings a glowing beak as hard as he/she can at my skull. Instinctively I duck, placing my hands around my bald head.

_**Shunk!**_

The feeling of blood dripping onto my neck forces me to look back up. The Pokémon's beak rests deep inside its chest. Braviary's last stand backfired, ending up taking away his/her own life. Why is it that everyone I come across dies? Was I cursed my last day in Africa? I bet ten bucks I was. Some freakshow probably got so angry at me for killing her husband that she cursed me to wind up on an island of monsters as a lizard, and everyone I come across in battle will find a way to die. Shit, that makes too much sense. I hope that's not what happened.

Roselia slamming into my back returns me to the moment.

"You motherfucker! Look what you did! _Look what you did!_" The flame on the tip of my tail glows brighter for a moment, and I can feel something within me changing, growing. Roselia swings his roses blindly at me as I backpedal to avoid each attack. In his rage I don't think he is even using moves anymore, instead opting to mindlessly beat me with his natural strength. Around his fifth swing I find myself channeling new energy within me, much like when using Scratch or Growl. As it rises to my mouth I realize I need to use my head to aim when using this new Move. The energy gushes from my throat forcing me to open wide and watch in awe as orange glowing bolts of fire rapidly release from within me. _I'm fucking breathing fire!_ Granted they are only small embers, but Roselia lights up all the same! He screams as he dances in circles in a futile attempt to put out the fire. That's right bitch! Plants burn! All that's left of Roselia now is a charred husk still smoking. Boon shakes his head in utter disbelief.

"That's four times... That's four times Moves have killed someone! What is going on?! Oh, and congratulations on leveling." The tan and purple Pokémon still at Camp Sigma (from process of elimination I assume this is Delcatty) timidly pokes her head from behind cover and immediately ducks again. I signal for Boon to move towards her from the right as I creep up to her left. We are maybe five feet from her hiding spot behind one of the metal sheets when she spontaneously pops back up to fire a blinding red laser at me. I'm unable to react quickly enough to dodge, earning me the full blow of the attack. The last thing I hear is Boon shouting my name as I receive a face full of dirt and black out.

* * *

_Day 2._

_I passed out escaping from town. I'm lucky to have survived; some mercenaries found me and fixed my wounds, although I didn't wake up until the next day. I don't know if these mercs are currently employed by the N.R.G. or the rebels, but they are most definitely bad news. Immediately when I woke up two big guys forced me into a sitting position and a bearded man in a yellow Hawaiian shirt carrying my Colt. 45 put me to work killing more people. I'm not one to write journals like I am right now, but I can't sleep after taking so many lives. I'm at 6 counts of murder now, and that's not including the pilot who brought me here. Anyways, I should probably explain the details of those killings; maybe I can give myself some therapy that way. The man who hired me to go kill people never told me his name. But then why should he? All I have to go on is his face. If I ever do escape this place, if I ever do get out of Africa, I won't be able to tell authorities who this guy is. All I know is that he saved my life, and then put it back into danger. There was a camp of armed men he wanted cleared out, although I do not know whom these men worked for. Apparently bleeding out wasn't enough for my rescuer; he planned for me to be shot up. I can only assume he didn't shoot me himself because he thought that maybe, just maybe, I might actually succeed in my assignment. Part of me wishes I hadn't. My God, I just realized something. I didn't have to do that job! I could have easily ran off! He gave me back the Colt. 45 and threw in a CETME rifle and a rather shoddy flamethrower about to fall apart as well. I could have gone somewhere else, like to a cease fire zone. I could have gone there and used this shitty prepaid phone I found to call someone to get me out of here. Unless this phone doesn't go out of the country… Still, I didn't have to kill those guys! I guess I was just so scared I did what he said without question. The people at the camp was holding a man prisoner though, a foreigner like me. I have no idea where he's from but the guy is insane. He finds this country **fun**. He's here because he **wants** to be here. I don't know what all this man had been doing before being captured, but I'm regretting freeing him. I hope he never finds this journal. Oh, and I'm sleeping in some hut now. It isn't big at all; I can practically lie down and reach the opposite wall. There's nothing in here but a mattress, a shelf full of camping supplies (thank God), and the door._

* * *

I awake in a daze, my head throbbing and the whole world spinning in my view. When my vision stabilizes, I'm greeted by the sight of Delcatty's charred husk limp against the wooden pole in the center of camp, which is now turned off. Boon is curled into a ball near the corpse's head with his back towards me. He is rocking back and forth at random intervals sniffling and mumbling to himself like a mad man. His ears twitch at the sound of me rising to my feet and instantly Boon looks at me in shock. His face is wet with tears and blood and his eyes, small and unfocused, show the tell-tale signs of what happened here. Nevertheless, he tries to explain.

"B-Browley!" His stutters are more controlled than mine. I'm kind of jealous. "You're alive? I-I thought she…" The Pikachu resumes staring at what remains of Delcatty. "I thought you were... d-dead. Oh my God, what have I done? When you went down like that I got so scared I just—stopped thinking." His voice softens to a whisper as he mumbles 'What have I done?' over and over again. The first kill is always hard. So is the second and the third, actually it took me roughly twenty to be able to take another's life without hitting a mental block. But even then, killing alone wasn't enough to calm me down over time. I needed some help, I needed encouragement. Not from a fucking therapist, they would tell me stop. They wouldn't understand that in Africa, it's either kill or be killed. Which is why I was fortunate when a man gave me a tape recording from some furry. Well, he wasn't really a furry, but the nickname people gave him was some type of animal. The first time I listened to the tape I was disgusted, but a couple hours later I listened again with an open mind, that time finding comfort in the words captured by the device.

"B-Boon?" I call.

"What?" His voice is still soft, he needs to hear this. Hopefully it will show him to not be afraid to take a life, like it showed me.

"Boon, let me t-tell you something I once ha-he-heard before I w-woke up." I recite the recording as best as I can from memory: "You c-ca-can't fight with dignity, there's no such thing. I-in this p-p-place, you will have enemies. Enemies who won't s-stop ch-chasing you until you break them—break their m-muh-minds." I swallow that annoying lump in my throat. "To make your enemies l-leave you alone, make them… fear you. Kill their wounded, burn them," I take a glance at my flaming tail- huh, that's convenient. "d-destroy their image of a m-man—or in your case, a Pokémon—and b-become a beast. Show them h-how awful killing is, a-and show them you f-fucking love it. W-when they f-fear you, you become s-st-stro-stronger. Better. Then they'll th-think twice." I feel my stutter made the message much less powerful than the real recording. I need to try to find it again before whoever has it on this island figures out how to clear the tape. Boon slowly rises to his feet, wiping his tears with one arm.

"That's morbid. But I think… I think whoever told you that has a point." My traveling companion takes a deep breath and holds out his hand. "Can I see the bag?" I pull the strap off and hand him the entire satchel, which he gratefully accepts. "While you were telling your little story, I think I figured out what saved your life." Oh really? Awesome. "Yep, look at that." Out from the bottom of the bag comes a large seed with a burned streak down the center. The marking looks familiar, it looks just like- "It's the Reviver Seed Kecleon gave us. I guess it kept you alive, but it's useless now." He tosses me the used up Reviver Seed. So this is how I survived. This makes me glad I accepted that mission yesterday. "Can we get out of here? I already checked the tents, there's nothing." Sure thing, let's leave before anyone else shows up. As we head east I check over my shoulder wondering where the Phanpy wandered off to. Although the rational side of my brain tells me it is far too dangerous to leave two hostile survivors in the wilderness, the sympathetic side tells me to let Boon rest. Killing a child is not what he needs right now. On our way back to Timburr Town we pick up the Pizza Boon left behind during the fight with Mareep. Dinner is served; what Infernape doesn't know won't hurt him.


	8. Special 1: Phanpy's New Quest

After clearing out the camp, Boon and Browley returned to Timburr Town where they bought more peppers—for the Pikachu's sake. However, ten minutes after the two entered the gates, the walls of the Mystery Dungeon north of Sigma camp distorted around a lone figure, a Phanpy, as it took small steps back outside the twisted area. At that point of the day the sun was still high in the sky and the Jichi Islands was a beautiful paradise in all locations other than Sigma. Phanpy immediately returned to his team's outpost, gaping in pure horror at what he saw. Blood was everywhere and large stains of ugly dirt replaced what was once green grass. His friends would normally be eating by now, but all that remained of them now were empty husks with lifeless eyes.

"No…" He whispered as tears filled his eyes. "No…" He curled into a ball and rolled throughout the devastated site. The bodies were still fresh and untouched, but they weren't the cause of Phanpy's increasing anxiety. What worried the small elephant wasn't what he _could_ see, it was what he _couldn't_. "Where's Mareep? What did they do to Mareep?" In his panic the Phanpy lost control of its rolling and came to a tumbling stop outside Delcatty's tent. He pulled his front legs over his eyes as he sobbed, hoping that if he only covered his eyes for a few moments, when he'd open them the events of the day would turn out to be a bad dream. The soft, soothing voice of Mareep would ask him what was wrong and wipe away his tears. Sure enough, a voice did call out to him, but it was definitely not Mareep's.

"Kid? Kid? Phanpy!" The increasingly frustrated voice called. The child looked up to find a ragged Wartortle towering over him, his face somewhere between peeved and sorrowful. Wartortle wasted no time with introductions; he instead opted to ask three words, punctuating each for emphasis: "Who did this?" Phanpy didn't answer, he couldn't. He was too scared, this very same Pokémon warned the team to stay away from the Charmander and Pikachu, yet they didn't listen. One of the large feathered eyes of the water-type twitched in growing frustration; Wartortle bended over to be at eye level with Phanpy. He asked again. "Who did this?" Still, he received no response. The turtle sighed, resting his clawed hands on his knees. "The outlaws did this, didn't they?" Phanpy hesitated for a moment and then he nodded. "Motherfuckers! Fucking again!" Wartortle swore to the clouds above. He knew he shouldn't use such language, much less in front of a child, but with the stress piling up he didn't care. He pulled open the flap of an entrance to Delcatty's tent and gestured inside. "Come on in, we need to talk."

Hesitantly Phanpy stepped into his former team leader's now deserted sleeping quarters. Boxes were thrown around the room with their lids removed and the pile of hay Delcatty used as a bed showed obvious signs of tampering. There was one loose end Phanpy wanted to check on. He walked to the far end of the tent and stamped his hooves on the dirt.

"Mr. Wartortle? Can you dig right here? My leader buried something I can't get with my hooves." The elephant stepped back to make room for Wartortle who got on his knees, running a hand along where Phanpy just stood.

"Right here?"

"Yes." Phanpy affirmed. "Delcatty and Braviary found a box that talks, but they said it only says one thing." Wartortle's eyes widened.

"A talking box? I thought there was only one…" He dug into the ground with his claws, pausing every few seconds to ensure he doesn't dig_ through _the device. About a foot deep he felt his hands collide with something plastic, and proceeded to carefully part the remaining dirt around said object. "Jackpot."

Both Pokémon sat in the center of the tent, Wartortle in possession of the tape. With a single finger he pushed down the play button and the device started up. The voice coming from the speaker was different this time; it sounded deeper and with such a strong accent the words spoken were barely understandable.

"I saw another firefight today, between the N.R.G. and the D.E.R. Ten minutes of men hiding behind rocks spraying at each other. It ended with two rebels running into the jungle and a N.R.G. soldier on the ground shot through the chest. I walk down to him and he was begging me to shoot him." Another voice spoke up in the recording, this one higher pitched and with the gruffness which comes from excessive amounts of chewing tobacco. "So what did you do?" It asked. Nonchalantly the original voice replied, "Shot him. Then I took his money and bought me a new gun. Just in time too, some bitch blew up the weapons convey an hour later." There was a slight pause in the audio, then suddenly, the first voice practically yelled "What are _you_ looking at, outsider?" A third voice fear stricken and much younger faintly responded, "U-uh, n-n-nothing. Nothing."

A clicking signified the end of the recording. Wartortle stared at the device for a handful of seconds then tossed it over his shoulder. "I still can't figure out what the hell these things are talking about."

"You heard one before?" Phanpy asked inquisitively.

"Yeah, yesterday actually. It's scary how quickly those two took out both of our teams."

"What do we do?" Phanpy wondered standing up. "They… they killed everyone. And Mareep-" Tears choked up the elephant before he could finish the thought. Wartortle paced back and forth resting a single claw on his lip.

"Our teams couldn't do it; we're just rookies after all." He looked north, and an idea popped into his head. "That's it… we get help! We need to get to Station Eight and report those two—get an official bounty placed on their heads. Then we'll have every damn Explorer looking to cash those ass-wipes in." The turtle grinned, which rubbed off on the Phanpy, causing the child to shyly smile. "If we leave now we can get there in three days. We'll avenge Team Kitten Wing and Team Shellfire in no time!"

* * *

Phanpy and Wartortle began their trek immediately, exiting Sigma camp and heading northeast towards Station Eight. Along the way, they prevented boredom by discussing each other's lives, learning about one another's history.

"And that's how I became an Explorer!" Phanpy finished. Wartortle was too busy examining his now-empty bottle of Pecha juice to have heard neither the recolection nor Phanpy's following question.

"Huh? What?" He asked the elephant without moving his eyes from the glass container.

"I said, 'Why did _you_ become an explorer?'"

Wartortle sighed, the thought alone of his history shameful enough to assault his conscious. "Redemption." He simply stated. "I did some things I'm not proud of, and a friend of mine suggested I join an Exploration Team to turn my life around. Nobody wanted a criminal though, so I made a team of my own. It used to be just me—a lone wolf—catching outlaws left and right. But then Vulpix joined the Hariyama Guild and they assigned her to me. And then a Spoink, Skitty, and Baltoy joined, but I never gave a fuck about them. Vulpix did." Phanpy's cheeks puffed as he frowned.

"Why do you use bad words so much?" The water-type stared at the grass beneath his feet for a moment.

"I don't know." He confessed. "It's an old habit of mine. I've gotten great at controlling it though." Phanpy snorted. "I did! You'd be surprised how many Pokémon I met who can't stop swearing. You know what I think it is? I think it's stress. A Pokémon swears more when put in high levels of stress. The stress lasts too long, the swears get stuck, and you get Sir Swears-a-lot." This answer pleased Phanpy, so Wartortle decided to ask a question of his own. "How long have you been on these islands?"

"There's more than one island!?" Phanpy exclaimed in shock. "Uhh, I think my team left the Ordova region in January."

"Ordova ?" Wartortle frowned. "I've never been there. Is it nice?"

"You bet! The Exploration Team Federation is everywhere! Everyone gets help!" The child smiled wide in pride. "You have to visit! Please?"

"Sure thing, kid." Wartortle chuckled. "Sure thing."

* * *

I awake to my third day in Africa with a sore back. For safety reasons I slept on my journal, but now that I have had time to rest I begin to wonder if keeping one is a good idea. On the one hand, I can turn over the book to authorities once I leave this country. On the other hand, if Darrell finds it and gets offended I'm fucked. That psycho is the type of guy to snatch it from me and read it in my face too. That settles it—I'm getting rid of this thing. I grab the backpack full of camping materials (yet curiously no portable tent, not that cloth would be good cover in a warzone anyways) and strap it to the back of my Kevlar vest. The body armor has an indeterminable amount of bullet holes in it because I stole it from one of the men I had to kill yesterday. Eugh, I'm still shivering. I'm going to the town today, against my better judgement. While technically it is considered a cease-fire zone, that didn't stop the Draft of Espoused Resistance from shooting that soldier anyways. I shouldn't be complaining; it _did_ give me an opportunity to escape whatever torture they were planning. Regardless, I have to go back there and go to the church. If anyone is going to help me in this country, it's them. Besides, I am running dangerously low on Quinine pills. It will do me no good to be sick with Malaria and I heard from the man who saved my life yesterday that the priest has an entire stockade of pills. Whether or not that is actually true remains to be seen, but it is worth a shot. Before opening the door to the hut I spent the night in, I take stock of my inventory. Colt? Check. (I have the nagging feeling that's not the proper name of the gun, but I'm not going to ask anyone and risk getting shot) CETME? Check. Flamethrower? Rusted as all get out, but check. I unlock the door and walk out with my rifle in hand. To the right of the doorframe a shirtless white man roughly in his forties (?) wearing a cowboy hat wakes up.

"Shit! Overslept!" He grunts as he fumbles in his khaki shorts for something. He turns his back towards me for a brief second in his stumbling panic, but it's long enough for me to see he's going for his gun. I point my rifle in his general direction, avert my view, and for good measure close my eyes.

_**BAM-BAM-BAM!**_

I open my eyes and look at what's left of the man. The sight makes me wonder who invented the term 'clean kill'. The man is anything but clean—blood showers from three holes in his chest, painting the African landscape red. I cover my mouth and back away slowly. I try as hard as I can but I can't pull my eyes away from the scene. I just barely woke up and I killed someone! Fucking shit… this is going to be a long day.

* * *

Phanpy finished slurping up his share of stream water through his trunk as his new team leader patiently waited.

"You ready to get a move on?" The elder of the two asked.

"Yep! All set!" Phanpy confirmed vigorously nodding. Seemingly out of nowhere, the child's head drooped and he bit his lip in an attempt not to cry. "Mareep and I always got water together…" He recalled. Wartortle scratched at the back of his neck, he knew he shouldn't ask but he just couldn't help himself.

"You talk a lot about her. What was she to you?" It took a moment for the elephant to answer, but when he did Wartortle's hatred for the Pikachu and Charmander skyrocketed.

"…My mommy. I never met my real parents."

"Those motherfucking pricks. Those fucking cunts!" Wartortle said through clenched teeth. As far as he was concerned, it was one thing to kill a Pokémon, but to kill a child's parent? Especially a previously orphaned child's parents? Now _that _was crossing the line. His hands clenched into tight fists and his words dripped with venom. "I'm going to kill those two. I'm going to fucking end them!" Phanpy backed away from the water-type with fearful eyes.

"Mr. Wartortle, you're scaring me…" He whispered. Wartortle walked back south, not even stopping to look if Phanpy followed.

"Good. I want to make those assholes squeal."

"What about going to Station Eight and getting help?" To Phanpy's surprise, the enraged turtle stopped walking, but still refused to make eye contact.

"Fuck Station Eight. This is personal. They killed _my _friend and_ your _mother. _It is on._"

"B-but isn't it wrong to kill? That's why we're doing this—to get help arresting them, right?"

"Not anymore." With that Wartortle left, leaving Phanpy alone once again, not even halfway to the next major Exploration Team camp. The child didn't try to follow however, instead he continued pressing on north with new resolve.

"I'm not going to kill them. I'm going to get help. I'm going to do what's right—like Mareep would want." This was not about revenge. This was about justice, and no matter how terrible things would get, Phanpy was determined to do things correctly, because nothing was going to make him comparable in any way to his team's killers. The Explorers of Time never sought vengeance, and neither would he.

* * *

_Author's Note: I realized that because I have so much happening in the next chapter, it is probably going to take a little while. Rather than leave this story without any sort of update for another month or two like I did last time, (Which is kind of shameful as not much actually happened) I decided to write a short chapter in the third person point of view, focusing on what is happening with Phanpy and Wartortle. I kind of wanted to do this anyways so it all works out in the end. I also added in a little more about Browley's history in this chapter because he needs one. I can say with 100% confidence this isn't going to be the last chapter told from someone else's point of view, but it will be a while before another one pops up. I also realized destroys formatting, such as indents. Oh well, what can you do? Okay I'll shut up now._


	9. Complications

We sit in the dirt on the southeast edge of Timburr Town square. Boon finishes up the last of the many peppers I bought him, and from the smile on his face I can tell he feels better. It is a weary smile, one which signifies remnants of inner conflict, but it is a smile nonetheless. The day is still young; the sun is high and there is not a cloud in the sky. I finish up the last slice of pizza and look around me for a waste bin. The closest one is nearby Kangaskhan Storage so I tap the pizza box and gesture with my head towards the shack.

"Yeah okay." Boon says licking his fingers. "I'll be at work picking up the next order. See ya in a sec." He walks inside his workplace again and I toss the box into the trash. Moments later Boon comes my way with another stack of pizza boxes. "Hey dude, I wanna show you something." I follow him to the storage center's counter where he sets the order down. Kangaskhan runs her eyes over the pizza boxes and sighs. Appearance wise she's a tank of a monster. If a kangaroo and a bear mated and their fully grown child somehow mutated into growing an exoskeleton, it would probably look like the stall owner before me. Her child, a much smaller version of herself lacking her armored plates thereby revealing rough grey skin, happily munches on a cookie from the warmth of its mother's pouch.

"You want to send these somewhere?" She asks my compatriot. Kangaskhan voice oozes with honey. She has the quality of the sweetest mother one would ever find, almost to a sickening degree. Despite her hideous appearance, the mere sound-the mere tone of the words coming from her lips make it impossible to harbor any kind of dislike towards her. "Sorry child, but I'm fresh out of Warp Seeds. I'm afraid these pizzas ain't going nowhere." Boon's smile fades away at the news. I stand back wondering what the hell a Warp Seed even is.

"You're out of Warp Seeds?" The Pikachu parrots. He gives me a disappointed look which I simply shrug to. What am I supposed to do about it? "Aw man… I can't walk to the other end of the island in time!" Kangaskhan puffs out her chest and places her giant claws on her hips.

"Nobody can. It's a good week of a hike to get across Jichi! With all the Mystery Dungeons springing up it'd probably take _longer_! Ain't nobody got time for that! And don't get me started on those Explorers! I love 'em to death, but those fools can't let a Pokémon with meat by without a good ten minute lecture!" I completely forgot about Pokémon policy on meat. Also, we'd probably encounter more resistance than a simple lecture now that the body count is at-um… Okay, I lost count already. I think we're at seven-ish? The conversation between Boon and Kangaskhan becomes muffled as I tally up the bodies on my fingers, which is a cruel reminder of my lost humanity due to only having four fingers on each hand rather than five. Let's see, there was Hello Kitty, Spring-Pig, Dreidel Dude, Firefox, Sheep, Bird, Flower Guy, and the purple one. That puts the count at… holy crap, eight. That's not a bad guess Browley. Not a bad guess at all. I wonder if I can guess how many people I killed in Africa…

"Browley!" Boon shouts. I jump a little and tilt my head. "I'm going to get some more Warp Seeds. Wanna come?" He notices my gaze drift to the boxes of pizza still resting on the counter. Apparently so does Kangaskhan, as she is the next one to speak.

"I'll keep a close eye on your pizza, baby, if you're worried about that." I'm not worried per say, but Boon doesn't need to get fired while he's recovering. "If you two can be dears and get me-mmmmm, twenty-five Warp Seeds then I can get your pizzas across the island lickity-split!" She continues. Twenty-five? That's a completely unreasonable! "After all, I'd hate for you two to walk all that way and back for a measly delivery."

"Wait a second," Boon interrupts raising a finger as high as he can. "Where are going to get _twenty-five_?" It is nice to see even _Boon_ thinks the task is way over our heads; it makes my opinion feel validated.

"Why in Insipid Plains of course!" Something seems wrong about that sentence. Boon and I share a look but accept the job anyways.

* * *

For the first time I get to see the interior of Boon's workplace. Immediately in front of the door is a tall counter manned by a Pokémon resembling a small horse. Although its body fur is an uninteresting tan color, the pony's mane and tail are made of fire. I'm not sure how the flames keep their shape, but by one way or another they do. I steal a peek into my guidebook and discover the Pokémon is called a Ponyta. The name is a disappointment; I was hoping for something much cooler. Behind the horse lies rows upon rows of metal shelves filled with pizza boxes. Pokémon carrying freshly cooked pizzas on wooden panels rush from the back of the store to the boxes, quickly sliding the food into a box and calling out different numbers. Upon hearing the numeric code 8008, the Scyther I recognize from outside the dojo grabs a stack of pizza from the shelves, drops a bag of money on the counter, and leaves without speaking a word. He probably has been here enough times to memorize the prices. With the customer out of the way, Ponyta looks at me then casts a shocked expression towards Boon.

"Wow Pikachu, color me surprised! I didn't think you could make a friend!" She says.

"Just ignore her." Boon tells me as he guides me to the back of the store with him. "She's always like that."

"And he's always a fag. I just take the liberty to remind him from time to time." Ponyta adds. She leans in close to me and whispers loudly enough for Boon to hear as well: "I'm sorry about your friend; someone dropped his egg a couple of times. I think it was his parents." As we get further away, she calls after us from her post. "By the way, I talked to Infernape! Guess who gets to clean out the ovens tonight!"

In the back of the store are roughly twelve rows of iron ovens. Each oven has two slots with wooden handles on them. A Pokémon pulls open the top slot, places uncooked pizza on the tray, and slides it shut. Then a Pokémon capable of breathing fire pulls out the bottom shelf, revealing much firewood. The fire-type then ignites the wood and closes the panel shut once more. When the pizza is finished, the closest Pokémon slides the pizza out from the top panel and rushes to box the pizza at the shelves. Ovens are not the only thing back here however. There is a lone opening in the rightmost wall—two curtaining cloths acting as a door.

"Come on, I might need another mouth to get permission from my boss." Boon says. We step into a rather spacious room on the opposite end of the flaps. On my right is a wooden bookshelf packed with various texts of different height and thickness. On my left is a small round table complete with potted plant and doily. From the walls hang awards the business has won and a diploma certifying Infernape as an official Rescue Team member. Lastly is the Pokémon's desk which is positioned in the back of the room where he can see everyone coming into and leaving his office. It reminds me of the stereotypical principal's office. Upon noticing our presence he looks up from the paperwork he was filling out and removes a pair of eyeglasses from his face.

"Why hello Boon." He greets. Infernape nods his head at me and says hello as well. His demeanor is so calm, nothing like the monkey from yesterday. It is as if he is an entirely different person-er, Pokémon. "What do you need?"

"Kangaskhan ran out of warp seeds for her storage. Can I go get her more?" Boon explains. His boss chews the tips of his frames in contemplation.

"I assume you already told her you would."

"Er-no I...yes." The Pikachu admits slouching. Infernape rolls his eyes and places his glasses back on, going back to his papers.

"Fine, if you already made the promise then go ahead. We can't deliver the customer's order if you don't fix that issue. I'll put an apology message in the mail when I get the chance."

"Really?" Boon asks surprised. "Wow... thanks sir."

"Check in with me first next time." He orders. The fire monkey looks up from his work towards me this time. "And Charmander? I wish to apologize for our first meeting." This guy is definitely bi-polar.

* * *

Outside of the Pizzeria there is a commotion in the town square. Various Pokémon are gathered around large slabs of meat hung within the skeletal cage of wooden carts. There are Scyther, Pinsir, Mienfoo, Hitmonlee, Quilava, Magmar, so many types I'm unable to find them in the Pokédex quickly enough. Regardless, there are many Pokémon focused on three carts of meat. A lone Mienshao positions herself in the center of the commotion and raises its arms for attention.

"May I have all eyes and ears?" She calls in an elderly—yet still powerful—voice. The various sounds of excited Pokémon quiets down, allowing the speaker to continue. "At long last it is once again that time of the month, and Timburr Town has the fortune to receive three Tauros from Nơi Cát for consumption!" The Pokémon in the crowd all jubilantly cheer at the news. Even Boon is throwing in his shouts. "It is with great joy the dojo will now cook!" Various fire-types spew hot flames from their maws at the meat, and just as suddenly as they started, the flames stop. There is not much evidence of cooking; the end result is only slightly less red than it was a moment ago. Boon elbows me in the ribs.

"Bet you can't wait to do that, can you?" He asks out the side of his mouth. Mienshao bows to the cooks, who return the gesture and step back.

"Next," the elder sensei says, "The dojo will season this fine bounty!" Grass-types step forward and release various leaves from their bodies which home in on the slabs of flesh as if by magic. It is quite the surreal experience as a matter of fact. Once again Mienshao and the trainees bow to one another and the show carries on. "Finally, the dojo will cut the meat!" Fucking finally. Two Scyther and a Pinsir line up in front of the slabs and on the count of three proceed to cut so quickly gravity has yet to make an impact. The bladed and clawed Pokémon backflip away and a Mienfoo is joined by two Hitmonlee in launching the meat towards all of us with astonishing precision. A chunk slams into my chest, dropping into my outstretched arms. I turn towards Boon who is happily stuffing his face without surfacing for air. How can he still eat after all that pizza? Mienshao bows to the rest of her trainees and then to the crowd. "Thank you, today's festival has been a success!"

I stare at the hunk if meat still in my arms and shrug; might as well try to eat this. I chomp down with my new fangs and tear off a mouthful. My tongue runs over the texture and the juices fill my taste buds. This...this meat... I never had anything so... _delicious_. It has to be a sin to describe it as such. I don't know if it's the seasoning, the taste of Tauros, or simply attached Charmander instincts (although I hope to God I'm not starting to think like a Pokémon, that would be fucking terrifying), but this meat is simply...

"MMM, Orgasmic!" Boon moans from within his food. "Only thing this needs is a Jichi pepper!

After eating we leave Timburr Town and are back in District 2. According to the map Insipid Plains should be the very same Mystery Dungeon we passed between Pachirisu Pass and the first outpost. The travel time shouldn't take very long at all—we are practically there already. I fold the map into a tiny square and stuff it back into our bag, swinging a hand to signal Boon to follow me. Within minutes we stand before the entrance to the Mystery Dungeon. The same effect of mismatched images over a bubble covering exists for Insipid Plains, but due to the lack of trees or other obstacles nearby for comparison, it is significantly harder to notice the displacement effect. Nevertheless, the stretched nature of the grass as well as some pieces of the sky seemingly existing within the ground signifies that a Mystery Dungeon _is_ here. I still feel uncomfortable entering the distorted dome but I reason that because I was okay (if a little nauseous) last time I entered one of these things, I should be fine a second time. Boon leans backwards with his hands digging into his spine, creating a faint popping sound.

"You ready for Dungeon numero dos?" He questions. It takes only a simple nod for us to walk inside Insipid Plain's sphere of influence. I'm still unable to keep my eyes open during the transition; the blur combined with the inescapable sickly feeling is too much for me. The feeling subsists and I check my surroundings. My jaw drops at the sight of more cliffs funneling me into different corridors of earth. The walls look as if some force literally shoved sections of the plains out of the ground and patted the layers of dirt into a smooth yet compact plane. The worst part about it is the lack of ceiling—every room, every corridor lacks a ceiling—turning each tunnel into something more along the lines of a ridiculously deep trench. What is with Mystery Dungeons and hallways? Even Boon is frowning as he pokes at the walls confining the two of us. "Aw man, how the heck am I supposed to climb this stuff?" He shoves a hand into the wall and pulls out a palm full of dark brown soil. "Yeah… I can shove my paws in here but it's not strong enough to hold me, just enough to make a pretty decent wall. I can't show you any of my sweet parkour skills in here." Well that's not a _huge_ lost. "Maybe I can backflip for you, but I think you already saw that."

* * *

Insipid Plains really lives up to the name. I lost track of how long we have spent walking through here, but there is unfortunately nothing noteworthy in the entire area. Much like Wieldy Jungle, all I can find are tunnels and the occasional hostile Pokémon. But even that is rather dull due to the ease of defeating said opposition. I swear to God those things literally walk up to us and die. They have no tactics, no sign of intelligent thought, nothing. When I was in Africa I noted what I thought was a lack of strategy from the various men attempting to shoot my brains out. This Mystery Dungeon however shows me what true lack of strategy really is. There is a rather monotonous pattern to combat: Walk, spot, wait, attack, rinse and repeat. I could listen to an IPod and be perfectly fine. My boredom is so great I'm relying on Boon for entertainment.

"Anyways," Boon continues talking. "Like I was saying, Jichi peppers are the fruit of the island. You can barbecue them, boil them, broil them, bake them, sauté them-there's pepper-kabobs, pepper creole, pepper gumbo—pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried—there's pineapple pepper, lemon pepper, coconut pepper, banana pepper-" He pauses to electrocute what is possibly the thirtieth Hoppip we have come across. Much like its brethren, it disintegrates in only one zap. I'm surprised how normal that type of death is becoming to me. The talkative Pikachu wipes his hands and goes right back to his list as if nothing happened. "-shrimp pepper, pepper stew, pepper salad, pepper and potatoes, pepper burger, pepper sandwich, pepper pizza, pepper pepper." He locks eyes with me and his right ear twitches nervously. "That… that's about it."

I cough into a closed fist to try to clear my windpipe and respond. There is a question which has been lingering on my mind ever since we cleared the first explorer outpost yesterday. "H-hey Boon?"

"Yeah?" He responds. My throat feels extremely dry and my words habitually catch in my windpipe. I find myself gagging on absolutely nothing, yet it takes swallowing to resume asking.

"I-I n-n-noticed-" Come on man! Out with it! "I n-no-you kill in Dungeons j-just fine. W-why the dr-drama with killing Explor-Explorers?" Boon sighs, twirling a finger through one of his large ears. The Pikachu shakes his head as if in disbelief.

"Wow. You really _are_ a human aren't you?" I would say something along the lines of, 'I thought I made that clear', but unfortunately I can't without becoming the biggest liar in Insipid Plains. "Not that I thought you weren't!" He reassures. "You have the signs, you know? What with the confusion and the strandedness and the memory loss—even if yours is minor—and you looked like you just woke up when I landed on ya so I guess that counts kinda-not-really-maybe." Slow down, there are signs? This kind of shit happened before? "I think that makes you like, the third human to turn into a Pokémon. Or maybe the fourth-I don't know. I think there's a rumor going around about another human popping up a couple of months ago in another country. Something about making a pair of dice and catching a cold. It's just a rumor though—I give it another month or so 'till we know for sure. Anyways! As for your question..."

Boon climbs the next set of misplaced stairs until actually getting around to what I asked him. The information about other humans is interesting though, so I'm not too annoyed. "Look, Mystery Dungeons have been around for a loooooong time. I never paid much attention to the history of these things, so I don't know all the details. But a bunch of nerds have been studying this stuff and get this—according to them, the Pokémon in Mystery Dungeons aren't real Pokémon at all!" The two of us quickly wipe out a trio of Deerling who stumble into our path. Boon picks back up where he left off as we continue our trek. "The Pokémon in Mystery Dungeons are actually created by the Dungeon itself, which is why they never run out, no matter how many thousands of Pokémon wandering through here get killed. I guess it's also why they always show up just out of eyeshot even when the spot was clear two seconds ago. And why they are so dang stupid-have you noticed that?" Perhaps it also explains why they freaking fade out of existence when killed. The projections are simply destroyed and shut off to be replaced by another later. "I heard about Rescue Teams recruiting Dungeon Pokémon though, so you got me how that works. Maybe bits of real Pokémon imprint on the fakes or something? But that's why I got so worked up over killing Explorers. They're not just… things looking like Pokémon. They _are_ Pokémon. I'm okay now, at this point I should just get used to it." It may be faint, but Boon then mumbles ever so bitterly: "Stupid Spoink's fault."

* * *

We climb five more sets of stairs before we finally exit the Mystery Dungeon. However, one quick look around reveals a distorted barrier all around us. Insipid Plains is shaped like a ring, circling a center point of non-corrupted soil. The two of us are surrounded by more Dungeon, meaning the only option out of this contained area is to go back into the Twilight Zone. Nothing but fertile dirt, much like that found in the Mystery Dungeon's walls, can be seen within the enclosed prison. My eyes dart across rows upon rows of tilled earth; there is something being grown below. Kangaskhan said Insipid Plains is where we could find Warp Seeds, so it stands to reason this is what she meant.

Boon is already digging through the loose dirt and stashing the seeds he finds. I like how he's not wasting any time; that kind of attitude will get me off this island and back into my own body in no time, although I will miss shooting fire out of my mouth. I am about to join him, but I spot something coming out of the wall we entered this enclosed space from. It has blue skin, feathery ears, and large shell, and-_oh fuck_! Before I can even try to call to Boon for assistance, Wartortle blasts me point-blank with a gush of water, the resulting impact forcing me onto my back where I choke for oxygen. The water-type's movements are robotic; he face shows no emotion and every action is completed without passion, without drive. Boon hears the commotion and stops digging, his ears cartoonishly springing erect in what is either fear, shock, or both.

"Oh shit!" He squeals back flipping to his feet. I attempt to get up but Wartortle stomps onto my face. My vision turns blurry at the first stomp, Boon charges at the turtle keeping me pinned. My hearing becomes muffled at the second; Wartortle lobs a glowing orb he held within his shell at the Pikachu. By the third stomp I am forced into a black void of nothingness unable to continue watching the battle.

Within the darkness I hear a voice. An unclear message, yet a message I have heard before. It is less jumbled this time than it was before; I can make out a few additional words.

"This...my...here. You...that...left. I'm...contaminated...got inside. Inside of...all on you...I gave...find Brooke... explain everything." What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean you're contaminated? What is all on me? What did you give? Who is Brooke? Is it Brooke who will explain everything, or do _I_ have to? Why can't _you_? What did you do with my stuff on the beach, you asshole? I never get the answers to my questions; I can feel myself slipping away from wherever I am. My senses slowly return to me, and although my head is ringing and I cannot quite recall how I got there, when I awake I know I'm in trouble.

I find myself sitting with my back against a wooden structure, my hands tied firmly by rope to a plank above. The room is dark, dingy, and a thin haze of dust floats through the air. The fire at the end of my tail is miniscule, barely lighting a damn thing. In all honesty it looks about ready to go out. Boon said something important about my tail but my I'm drowning in my headache too much to recall. Speaking of the yellow guy, where is he anyways?

"He's alive!" A grating voice screams in my face. I feel cold scaly hands pick up my tail, and as they lift my newest appendage the feeble light somewhat illuminates the face of my captor. Wartortle. He is close enough for me to feel his breath; the turtle is actively trying to invade my personal space. His smile stretches across more than I thought possible, his small fangs visibly poke though his lips. Around his nostrils the light from my flame causes white powdery crystals to sparkle. There are signs of disconnect in his bloodshot eyes—disconnect from reality. He is in his own little world right now, not fully aware of what he's doing. Or maybe he _is_ aware, maybe he's enjoying himself too much to care. He giggles like a schoolgirl. "You like murder? Hm?" Wartortle tilts his head at such an exaggerated angled it should snap off. "I asked you something—just now—for you to answer. You like murder? You like to kill my friends? A little boy's mommy?" Um... what? What are-shit, the elephant. I feel I made a terrible mistake.

"Tropical islands, man." he muses. "Bring out the savage in you." The evolved turtle finally pulls his face further from mine still smiling like a maniac. "Guess I shouldn't expect less from Jichi; this fucking island has a habit of killing Explorers." I need to look into that. Wartortle sits down and pulls a satchel from the darkness, talking as he digs through. "So tell me, Pokédex number four, _my_ dick is in my shell, where's yours?" The fuck kind of question is that? "Do Charmanders have sheaths or some shit? I wanted to make you a pretty little girl while you were out, but I can't find the fucking thing!" He laughs more as I stare at him in confusion. Wartortle suddenly stops searching through his satchel and sings in soprano: "Oh shit! I think I found it!" In his hand he pulls out a small box of cardboard which fits snugly in his palm. The top flap is lifted open with a single finger, and when he brings it close enough for me to see there lays several matches ready to be lit. He pulls out all of them at once, lights them, and proceeds to walk away from me up a hill, dropping a lit match every couple of steps. It is then I clearly see exactly where I am. I'm on a track, and at the opposite end is a mine cart filled with ore. "And Charmander? You might have wanted to get that tail looked at. It doesn't light shit!" Wartortle stands with an arm holding the cart in place, ready to release and let gravity do the rest. In his free hand he carries an Escape Orb. "Guess you weren't on the right track, were you motherfucker?" He warps away leaving the cart barreling down the hill.

_Author's Note: When I had Browley make the guess that the body count was at "seven-ish" I was actually making a guess myself. You see, I wasn't keeping track of how many Pokémon died so when I had the thought pass through Browley's head I knew I needed a number but I was too lazy to read through the chapters to find the exact one. I also thought it would sound more realistic for Browley to not know for sure the exact number. My curiosity got the better of me, so I had Browley count them from memory like I then decided to do and discovered how close my random guess was. I considered rewriting the scene so that Browley's number would be further off, but then decided to leave it the way it was because if a guy sitting in front of a computer screen writing fan fiction when he's not playing Fallout and S.T.A.L.K.E.R. can mentally keep track of death counts without even trying, surely someone like Browley could._

_Additionally, I just barely got this chapter out by the skin of my teeth. You see, I technically finished writing it three days ago and revised it the day following. But due to a few complications and other priorities, I didn't upload. Then today when I finally decided to bend over backwards to upload this chapter, I discovered the file and its backup had been corrupted somehow. So I spent hours on various programs attempting to recover the file, and eventually was able to get it through email. I am glad to be able to upload this chapter and be done with it. It has taken far too long.  
_


	10. Land Down Under

Fucking fuck! I'm dead, I'm _so_ dead! This fucking thing is going to splatter me all over the wall! Out of freaking nowhere the ground underneath the track collapses, sending the mine cart tumbling harmlessly away from me into a newly formed chasm below. Oh my God, did that really just happen? I release the air I've been holding in relief, simply staring at the incredible stroke of luck that saved my life. I thought for sure I was going to die here; there was simply no chance I could have gotten out of the way in time. The hole releases some light from below, although it doesn't make a huge difference. I used to not be able to see more than a foot without the matches, now the range has been extended by about another two feet. I hear a voice echoing from below, bouncing off the rocks walls all the way up to my location.

"Alright you maggots, who set the charge? You fucking idiots blew up one of the tracks!" Someone yells from the opening. I fumble with the ropes still binding me; why I never taught myself how to untie myself I will never be able to figure out. I learned how to find north without a compass—How could I not know how to get out of a simple knot!? "Someone survey the damage! You scrubs better hope I don't have to deduct much of your salaries to pay for this!" I'm finding it difficult to give any sympathy for this guy. Maybe it's because the mistake kept me alive. Out of the corner of my eye I see a pebble dancing along the ground. As the ground rumbles, multiple rocks of varying sizes do the same; streams of loose dirt fall from cracks in the ceiling. Panicking now, I desperately pull on the ropes around my wrists hoping to get loose before the cave collapses. My heart leaps into my chest as brown stubs rapidly burst from the cave floor without pattern around the remnants of the mining track. The brown things are alive, sporting pink balls for noses and beady eyes, although I cannot find any sort of mouth. Some of the creatures are grouped into clusters of three while others remain without company. Their arrival ends the apparent cave-in, although being beaten to death by a horde of Pokémon does not sound appealing either. One of the loner stubs notices me still tied up studying them.

"Wow! Are you okay, Charmander?" It asks loudly enough for everyone to hear. Oh good, they aren't hostile. The bossy voice from below shouts once more.

"Are you fucking kidding me!? Another one!?" It sounds closer than before, which I find rather concerning. The sound of metal colliding with rock resonates throughout the cave, quickly repeating each half a second. A Pokémon climbs up from the hole its workers blew up—it is an extremely desaturated shade of brown, bordering on gray almost. Three red marks resembling claw wounds run diagonally across its chest; it has two short arms ending in massive steel blades, curved on the insides like a shovel. Additional blades are connected to those already on its arms (which must be heavy) and over its white head lies yet another shovel with blades sticking out—because two main blades wasn't enough; he needed a third as a baseball cap. The Pokémon's eyes were hardened, stuck in an irritated glare as he rose from the pit. "Is this one in better shape than the last?"

"Yes sir!" Answered a trio of brown stubby things. "Only some ropes and bruises, nothing major!"

"Ropes?" The leader of the bunch repeated, looking at me for the first time. I pull on my bindings as confirmation. He leans in towards my face, positioning his blade between my eyes. "Who are you, Charmander?" Who am _I_? Who are _you_? I'm in no position to argue with the Pokémon however. Even though he is roughly the same height as me, combining those blades and my being tied up do not leave me ahead.

"Excadrill, sir!" Another group of stubs is by the satchel Wartortle left behind. Is that a problem with him? This is twice now he has left one of those things. "There is an Exploration Team badge in this bag! He's an Explorer!" No. No. No no no no no. That would be _wrong_, you turd things. I shake my head trying to tell them that's not mine, but all that I manage to say is:

"T-t-th-t-t-tht-ths n-ot m-m-m-mine." Excadrill presses the tip of his blade against my forehead, smiling with evil intent.

"You must be one of their pity cases. Autism must suck, doesn't it little lizard?" Oh fuck you. "What's the matter?" He asks sliding one of his bladed arms bit by bit into my mouth. _Now_ I'm starting to see the use of blades on top of blades. "Cat got your tongue?" I… don't think the pun he was going for works here.

"I'm n-nn-n-nt-nn." Talking with a blade in my mouth and a stutter is really damn hard! "Nnn-n-n Ex-pl-plur-plrrroo." Close enough. Excadrill pulls his arm out of my mouth, frowning in disgust at the spit now stuck to it.

"Fuck, that wasn't as good of an idea as I thought it was." He mumbles. "Alright then Charmander, if you aren't an Explorer, what's with the badge?" Shit. More questions? Where's Boon when I need him? …Did I really just think that?

"N-nn-nn-n-"

"Alright stop. I get it—not yours. I believe you. Don't hurt yourself." Thank you! Excadrill uses his blades to cut through my ropes and extends an arm to me. "Need help getting up?" Not from you. I push myself off my ass, rubbing away the dirt clinging to me. "Do you have a name?" I don't even get to open my mouth before he cuts in. "On second thought, save it. I'll call you Charmander. My daughter is going to take you back to the hub." He turns away from me and looks at all of the other Pokémon. "And as for you boys, GET BACK TO WORK!" The boss begins to climb back down the hole, but halfway though he halts his decent. "Come on Charmander! Hop on!" Is he serious? I peer over the hole and gauge the distance. If I jump down I would likely break my legs, but if I land on Excadrill then I could avoid that. I don't feel comfortable with the blades poking from his head though. He sighs and holds out an arm with the curve facing up. "Land in here, you big baby." I swear I'm going to fucking kill this guy when I get the chance. I sit on the hole's edge and slide off. I fall into Excadrill's shovel as ordered; my stomach doing loops as my weight almost causes him to drop me. "Off you go." He yanks his arm away causing me to fall the remaining distance to a lower tunnel. I'm greeted by the smiling face of a Pokémon remarkably similar to the boss. It has a long white snout with a pink nose and its body is the same shade of gray-brown as Excadrill. It also has shoveled claws at the ends of its arms, yet they are missing the additional blades growing on top. The Pokémon also doesn't have a third blade jutting out of its head either, and the markings on it are blue rather than red. I assume this to be his daughter?

"Thanks dad!" She calls to her father. Yep, she is. "You must be Charmander; my name is Drilbur. Follow me, the Hub's this way!" She turns 180 degrees and walks down the tunnel of rock. Lord, I thought I had enough tunnels to deal with in Mystery Dungeons. "My dad is a real piece of work isn't he?" She asks trying to start up a conversation. "Sorry if he scared you. He's been worked up ever since our generators went kaput. These tunnels aren't supposed to be this dark." Drilbur points to the low ceiling, gesturing to dark glass balls running the entire path. Three thin rods of metal connect each orb, creating a sort of continuous circuit above our heads. "Do you see those Luminous Orbs along the roof? They are supposed to light this place up like it's in the sun, but we already used the power in them and our generators used up all the electricity too." Well that sucks. That's why backup power supplies exist, you dumb shits.

As we continue to make our way through, I can't help but be reminded of the diamond mines back in Africa. I avoided them for most of the time I was stranded, too afraid to fight in dark tunnels filled with crappy construction ready to fall apart on top of me. In order to leave Africa, I needed a plane ride out. The problem was planes are expensive, the pilots wanted to be paid out the ass in blood diamonds. Actually, everyone wanted to be paid in diamonds. Yes, the country had regular paper money, but for one reason or another it was considered useless. I remember stumbling upon an outpost where people were using money as _firewood_. So in order to afford weapons, ammo, and a plane ticket back home, I started working for both the N.R.G. and D.E.R. It wasn't _my_ idea–Darrell suggested it. He said something along the lines of "Two armies, two paychecks." Of course I was hesitant at first—I didn't want to put myself in more situations where I would be shot at, and working for two groups who hate each other would mean immediate execution if I was found out. But over time I got used to the idea, simply taking a job from whoever was hiring. It is rather ironic how when I first involved myself in the African conflict I had to beg for a job. Eventually it was them who were begging _me_ for assistance. Funny how life works when you kill people. At some point in time I decided I wasn't getting diamonds quickly enough. I would find myself needing new weapons and supplies, being forced to spend the majority of what I earned. At that rate I would never have the diamonds to leave. So I went to the heart of the operation.

* * *

I bring my rangefinder to my eye, peering through the lens letting it magnify my view of the mine's entrance. It is built into a rocky cliff, the manmade hole clearly visible from a mile away. I cannot see much of the interior from my position in the hills, but I'm not too concerned. There are thin sheets of metal hanging on wooden beams, creating spots of shade where a couple of men sit in plastic lawn chairs drinking from water bottles. These suckers are sitting ducks. I put away my rangefinder and switch to the scope on my M1903 Springfield, lining up the sights after considering drop and the wind. My trigger finger is itchy, so I remedy it. The first of five men drops dead, startling his buddies into leaping from their chairs and grabbing their weapons. I chuckle as they run like bugs, screaming in terror.

"Shit! What's happening!?" One yells.

"Are we under attack?" Shouts another. Yes you are! He is the next one to drop.

"Fuck! Where is he?" Comes from a third, who is wildly firing his gun in random directions. One bullet is all it takes for him to fall. I swiftly pick off the last two and reload. I do not wish to waste any time, so I double-time it to the mine, careful to keep my AKS74u ready to fire. Up close I am able to study my shots, noting where I hit each person. I got one in the head, one just below the neck, and the rest are either in the chest or below. I'm about to enter a mine, so a sniper rifle is probably not going to be the best thing to use. One of the dead men carries an Ithaca 37 shotgun. It has a chestnut wooden grip and pump. On his forearm is a tattoo of a five pointed star facing down—the symbol of N.R.G. I swap out my Springfield for his shotgun and step into the mine's entrance, letting my eyes adjust to the change in light. There are scaffoldings fucking everywhere, poorly held up by rusty poles. To my dismay not much cover is around, mostly concealment. The only things capable of stopping bullets are the rocks and maybe some barrel stacks. Just about everything else I could technically hide behind but would not be offered much protection. A voice from a scaffolding above draws my attention, an NRG soldier is up there alerting people of my presence.

"There he is!" He yells. Another voice calls out that he sees me before I can silence either of them. I dart to my left behind a rock pile, spraying from my AKS74u at the scaffolding above. Red mist spreading from its edges coupled with a pained wail and a thud makes me relatively certain I killed one of the men. Gunfire rings out from a connecting tunnel and the earth I hide behind visibly chips away, turning chunks of rock into a powdery smoke. I blind fire controlled bursts in an attempt to provide myself cover fire. His gun stops shooting but I have no reason to believe I hit him. I pull open the flap to my leftmost pouch on my armored vest, yanking out a M67 grenade. Firmly I grasp it in my right hand, using my left to remove the safety clip. I hold down the lever and pull out the pin, frowning as gunfire rings overhead once more. "He's behind the rocks! Move! Over there! Over there!" The guy still shooting at me yells at someone. Shit, he's got backup already. I lob the grenade towards the voice, hoping the fuse is not long enough for him to throw it back.

"Fuck! Grenade!"

BOOM

The gunfire stops, but when I peek over the rocks I keep my gun raised as a precaution. Three men lay dead and the walls where the grenade went off look about ready to give in. Well, I'm not going in _that_ direction. There is another tunnel to my left held up by a skeleton of wood; lanterns casting a yellow glow line the walls. I step from my cover and creep down the tunnel, switching to my new shotgun along the way. The tunnel forks into two paths, so I press my back against the side and slide to the opening to view one branch without exposing myself to another. The left path twists into another turn and the right path opens into a large mining chamber. Many scaffoldings line the walls, although few diamonds remain to be dug. There are no workers to be seen—perhaps the guards already took them to another part of the mine. I don't feel comfortable walking into the chamber as it just reeks with ambush, so I take the left path. Around the corner is yet another chamber, this one slightly smaller but otherwise identical. On the far end I spot a couple of guards hiding behind sheets of wood.

"Come on asshole," One says more to himself than me. "Where are you? Where the fuck are you?"

I sigh; I got my shotgun out for nothing. A few bursts from my AKS kills both of them, but sends the rest of the room into high-alert.

"Shit! Who's attacking!?"

"Don't know!" There are a couple of barrels along the right wall underneath a stalactite. There might be someone over there so I shoot in that direction to check. Even if I'm wrong I might suppress someone. Surprisingly someone from the opposite end of the room runs out of their hiding spot, I assume to get into a position where he can shoot me. I shoot him until my gun runs dry and I have to reload.

"You think you can get off that easy?" Holy shit, this one is _mumbling_ and I can hear him. That is way too close for comfort. "You ain't seen nothing…" I drop my AKS and pull out the M1911—can't fucking believe I called this a Colt.45—focusing my hearing on the ramblings of a soon to be dead man. I cannot quite pick out what he says next, but it is coming from my right. I don't know for sure but I think he's around the corner trying to coax me into poking my head into his view to look for him. The man finally speaks clearly enough for me to hear the rest of his taunting. "-cause I'm your nightmare! Yeah yeah yeah, I'm your worst fucking nightmare. Just try me. Come on come on! I know you're there! I can _see_ you asshole! I can see you! I can-" Enough of this shit. I switch my pistol to my left hand, press my stomach to the wall, and without exposing anything but my hand fire three shots around the corner. It shuts him up for good.

* * *

"Well you're rude." Drilbur declares. I shake away my memories and return to the present. "I've been talking to you this whole time and you weren't listening!" Yeah that's nice. "When did you stop paying attention?" She huffs at my silence. "I can see why dad didn't roll out the welcome mat. So as I was saying, many of these tunnels are for maintenance, but some are for tracks—although we try to keep them in the open for easy repairs." I don't care. "One of these days this place is going to make trade so much easier! With our mine carts, caravans can carry so much more! Just imagine goods being delivered by cart, air, and warp all at once! These tunnels will really bring these islands closer together!" Drilbur stops walking and throws an arm in front of me. "Hold up, who are _they_?" She asks pointing at a trio of Pokémon up ahead. They wear pink scarves and the largest of them carries a satchel like the one Wartortle had. Fuck, I wish I still had my guidebook for these things. There is a brown duck-looking thing with big-ass eyebrows; in one of its wings is a green and white leek. By now, I have learned to stop questioning things like how wing feathers can hold anything, much less keep a grip on an organic rod. The Pokémon is circled by two balls of fuzz with black batwings and pig snouts with a heart for nostrils. "One Farfetch'd and two Woobat." Drilbur analyses.

Farfetch'd waves its leek in small circles above its head, calling for its allies to gather around. "Explorers, if that Phanpy is correct, then those outlaws should be in these tunnels." He announces. "Remember: we are after a Charmander and a Pikachu. Don't attack anyone else unless they are helping those two—we want to avoid further raising tensions with the locals."

"Aren't the criminals locals? And what about Wartortle?" A Woobat pipes up.

"Wartortle is a rouge who may have found a stash of Pure Seeds—let a higher ranking team pursue him. And yes, the outlaws belong to Jichi. Intel suggests they aren't important enough for the government to care if we arrest them, however." The Woobat which had not yet spoken takes the moment to do so.

"Why are you telling us this now and not before we left camp?" It questions. Farfetch'd responds by slamming his leek into it.

"I did!" He squawks. "You imbeciles were talking about a 'magical sound box'!" That's not what I think it is, is it? Drilbur taps me on the shoulder.

"Did those Explorers say they were looking for a Charmander? That wouldn't happen to be you would it?" She asks. Unfortunately due to the acoustics of the tunnel, her voice echoes within the Exploration Team's earshot. Farfetch'd leaps a foot into the air, flapping a single wing and pointing its leek at me with the other.

"That's one of them! Get him!" He orders. The two Woobat line up next to each other and flap their wings in a swift motion. Their flight appendages glow in the darkness and visible wind flies at me. The force of manipulated air curiously does not pick up any dirt from the floor nor walls—it's definitely a Move.

"GUST!" Drilbur shouts pushing me out of the attack's direction. "Darn it! Get out of our mine!" Farfetch'd puffs out his chest and strikes it with his leek.

"This doesn't concern you, savage! Crawl back in your hole and let the heroes do their job!" For not wanting to raise tensions this birdbrain does a very poor job at it. "Woobat, use Round!" The two balls of fuzz emit an ear-shattering screech from their mouths, both releasing red rings which grow in size as they approach.

"Charmander! Dodge those now!" Drilbur yells over the noise. She dodges to the right while I dodge to the left. After leaping out of danger, she waves to me with one of her shovels. "Cover me!" I perform Growl on both Woobat and follow up with my flaming attack. Drilbur charges the bats and leaps straight at them with outstretched shovels. To my astonishment her two claws split into six, glowing brightly as she slams a Woobat to the ground and digs into it. Blood squirts every which way while Farfetch'd and the other Woobat stare in horror. They aren't the only ones horrified—Drilbur is as well. "What's happening!? Why are you bleeding!? WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING!?" I blast more fire at the distracted Woobat watching it light up like a match. It is actually funny seeing a flying fireball with wings screaming in pain as it face-plants the ground. Two down, one to go.

"What… what did you do?" The last Explorer whispers. Drilbur finally stops pulverizing her Woobat, yet does not make a move to pull her ass off the body—what is left of it anyways. She is a statue stained in blood resting on her prey. Farfetch'd switches into rage, charging at her screaming with his leek shining white. He swings it upon her so quickly it appears he carries more than one weapon. Drilbur cries out in pain yet does not retaliate. The Explorer's weapon leaves bloody gashes everywhere it lands; if this keeps up Drilbur is going to be dead in seconds. Dammit! She's still supposed to take me to the Hub! I intervene with multiple Scratches and a final fire Move, creating roasted duck of the team leader. Then I steal his satchel. Drilbur is sprawled across the ground at this point, so I offer a hand and pull her up.

"Fury Swipes and Ember are not supposed to do that." She mutters. I try to give her a moment to compose herself but it does not go well. "Stay… away from me." She spits pointing one of her six claws at my chest. Six claws… man I still cannot believe she has freaking _six_ of them. I thought they were two! Drilbur then shoves her claws into the ground and in a deft movement tunnels underneath and seals the entry hole. Well shit… there goes my new guide. It couldn't have been in a worse place either. I'm in the middle of a four-way intersection with no idea which path to take. Just when I think I'm completely fucked someone calls from a tunnel opposite to the one Drilbur and I came from.

"Hey, you there!" Wait a second… I know that voice. A Pikachu with a bandaged head emerges from the shadows carrying an Explorer Satchel around its waist. "Hi, I'm looking for a friend who-…Browley?" Boon asks. "Wow! I was just looking for you!" I smile and wave to him as I study the satchel Farfetch'd dropped; it looks identical Boon's. My guide from Timburr Town notices the corpses scattered across the area. "Shit, are they down _here _too?" Strange, I expected him to nag me about killing more of them. Boon's long ears sink to the back of his head and he scratches one of his red cheeks. "Um… can I ask a really weird and gross question?" I curiously nod. "I'm betting Wartortle tried to kill you too. He hung me by a rope from a high mine track. Guess he didn't know about my parkour; it was really easy to get out of that. Anyways, that's not what I'm wanting to ask. Did he try to… uh… chop off your… you know?" He twiddles his thumbs. Hesitantly I nod my head, to which Boon breathes a sigh of disbelief. "That guy wasn't insane the last two times we fought him. What happened?" Well apparently I triggered something nasty when I killed Mareep, but I don't know exactly what. Boon places his paws on his hips and stares at the remains of the Explorers. "This sucks. We're in some tunnel network, you can barely see a meter in front of you, and Exploration Teams are down here!" 'Sucks' doesn't even begin to cover the situation we are in.

The Pikachu adjusts the strap on his satchel. "Well at least we still have our bag. Don't know why he didn't take it. We have the warp seeds and everything! All twenty!" Great, that will save us a lot of time. But we are still short a few aren't we? "We just need five more to go. I even got us a spot to spend the night!" Awesome! "Sandslash! Come on out! This is my friend!" A section of wall suddenly bursts open startling my muscle memory into reaching for the M1911 I no longer have. Out from the new hole crawls a yellow Pokémon with a rough hide split into tiled segments. It has big blue eyes, a cream underbelly, and triangular ears atop its head. "This is Sandslash." Boon introduces.

"Sandshrew." The Pokémon corrects. "You must be Browley, yes?" Nod. "Your friend came from the Hub. He has a bad head wound. It was difficult to fix. Not enough light. You have fire on your tail. You create light. But maybe not enough. Your flame is small. We need bigger." You need to lengthen your sentences. They are getting annoying. I do not like to be annoyed. "Boon. Browley. I will take you to your quarters. I hope you remember our deal." What deal? What did Boon agree to?

We walk down the corridor Boon came from, and in no time are in what I assume to be a quite spacious chamber. Light is extremely limited still, so I cannot get a good view of my surroundings. From what I can tell though the Hub is essentially an underground mining town. There are shacks organized into rows and columns, although these are rectangular unlike Timburr's square and round huts. The wood here also appears to be of lesser quality, possibly because this area is not meant for Pokémon to actually live in. It is a temporary area for Pokémon to work in and return to their homes outside once the day ends. However, I can already see some Pokémon asleep inside and outside of buildings—perhaps they are living here during construction to save travel time.

"Hub looks better with light." Sandshrew assures. It is when we ascend a staircase to a whole second level of shacks perched on scaffoldings and cliffs that I realize how big the Hub actually is. Railed tracks run this way and that, going in and out of passages dug into the walls. Pokémon looking like crosses between clowns and construction workers load heavy materials into mine carts and push them along the tracks while smaller gray Pokémon with visible veins carry the wood for the tracks where they are incomplete. With shadows obscuring much of the cave I can only see a small portion of this place at a time, so I can only imagine how busy things look in complete lighting.

Boon whistles in awe. "Wow. You guys sure don't slack around."

"No. We don't. We work hard every day." Sandshrew replies.

"Holy crap, are those Timburr you have laying down the tracks? Browley! See those Pokémon with the wood?" Yeah, I believe I saw them prior to you asking me. "Those are what Timburr Town is named after! And the bigger ones with afros are Gurdurr, and the ones with the tumors are Conkeldurr! In fact…" Boon searches through his satchel and tosses me the Pokédex. "Here ya go! I know how much you like that book." I'll read through their articles when we get where we need to be.

"You two are from Timburr Town?" Sandshrew asks.

"Yep!" Boon beams. "Well, I am. I don't know where Browley's from. I found in the jungle down south." The Pikachu doesn't mention my lost humanity, although it isn't something worth sharing—it would only bog me down with stupid questions. Our guide smiles with a distant look in his eyes.

"I have a friend in Timburr Town. His name is Aron. I wish to visit him someday."

"Someday? Why not now?" Boon pats Sandshrew on the back, who examines his feet.

"Too dangerous. Pokémon found dead bodies. Explorers not camping in District 2 anymore. But their patrols are on edge. Defensive. Tense. Ready to strike." Whoops. I share a glance with Boon. "Need bodyguard. Can't find a good one." He stops walking and points to a wood door built into a rock wall. It has white paint sprawled messily as if someone simply said 'fuck it' while painting and slapped a large brush against it a couple times. "This is place. Your room is 205. Second floor. Stairs on left when you walk in. Work starts soon as you're ready. Best of luck." Sandshrew drops a key into Boon's hands and scampers away.

"Age before beauty." Boon states sweeping his arms to the entrance.

* * *

The interior is about what it would seem to be—rock walls, a counter in the right corner and a couple of chairs and a table across from it—nothing special. Built into the wall on our left is a stairway heading up exactly as Sandshrew directed. Boon absentmindedly scratches the bandages on his head while approaching a large brown owl running the counter.

"Excuse me? Mr. Noctowl? Or Miss Noctowl. Missus?"

"Oh thank heavens you two are here at last." Noctowl answers. "Finally those poor souls working their fingers to the bone mining can get some light. We sent a letter for you ages ago!"

"Heh, sorry but you have us mistaken." Boon laughs. "We're not who you think we are. But we are going to fix your light problem!" Did you just volunteer us for that? Really? Fuck… I guess it won't hurt. Being able to see in these tunnels will be helpful. Noctowl smiles so widely her eyes are forced closed.

"Wonderful! It's simply wonderful to know there are still children out there who care about the wellbeing of others."

"'plorerstimeanddarkness." Boon hides between coughs. "Andthatrescueteam." He hides between another set. I don't think Noctowl notices.

"I tell you, sometimes I feel as if the world has just given up hope." Hope for what?

Birdbrain's a waste of time. I snap my fingers and raise an open hand at the foot of the stairs. Boon stares at me for a second until understanding the message. He tosses me the key and I climb to room 205. The first set of stairs exit to a hallway of rooms labeled 1 to 100 and the second set exit to a hall labeled 200 to 300. Luminous Orbs are shoved into the walls, one between each wooden door. The room numbers are carved into the doors and filled with black paint to increase visibility; simple padlocks keep each room locked. Back in Africa locks only keep honest people out. Judging by the size of some of the Pokémon I have seen that expression must be doubly true here on Jichi.

Our room is roughly the same size as Boon's shack if he were to throw out all his furniture. There is enough room to run around in circles but the space was obviously designed for workers to sleep and get back to their job in the mines. There are two piles of hay tossed in the center; I run my fingers over a dead sunflower rotting in the darkest corner. I'm just now noticing Jichi's architects love to put things in corners. Pokémon here must enjoy having open space to do whatever they do for fun. Realization hits me like a brick to the face. This room is intended for two Pokémon; Boon sold himself to pay for a room for two. I doubt he expected to get lucky tonight—of that was the case it'd be more fruitful to get a room for one. He said earlier he was looking for me. Was he that certain he was going to find me? Someone knocks on the door, although I left it swung open. I raise my head to see Boon with his head poking into the room, those long ears of his jiggling along to his movements as he tosses his satchel onto the floor.

"Hey dude! Drop your stuff and come downstairs! There's banana bread!" My hand hovers inches from my rumbling stomach. Eating doesn't sound like a bad idea right now. "They got milk! Straight from a Miltank!" I follow the Pikachu downstairs where a pink cow and Drilbur sit at the table eating a loaf of bread. She scowls at me; I scowl at the cow milking itself. That's fucking disgusting. Couldn't it just use the milk tank? I flip to the cow's entry and its revelation gives me a migraine. There _is_ no milk tank, the cow is _called_ Miltank. Drilbur glares at the cow while Boon grabs himself and I two helpings of banana bread and a pink beverage.

"Why is your milk pink?" Drilbur questions in an accusatory tone. Miltank heartily giggles into her hooves.

"This isn't milk, num-nums. It's pleasure juice!" She explains. Drilbur's eyes are the size of dinner plates.

"P-pardon?"

"I don't have the vitamins to make milk! This is the juice that comes out when I feel all fuzzy inside! You see," Miltank continues flicking an udder teat. "-sometimes when I'm really happy my little Digletts get strong and flicky. And when I rub them my joy gets so full it leaks out of me!" Drilbur's gains a look of repulsion, her left eye visibly twitches. She climbs on top of the table and points a claw at Miltank's chest.

"YOU SICK FUCK!" The mole Pokémon roars. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Boon realizes what is going on rushes up the stairs leaving behind the 'milk'. We don't stop running until we are back in room 205 with the door shut and locked. A good amount of time is spent eating banana bread while listening to the one-sided argument still audible from our chamber. Eventually it ends with someone slamming a door downstairs. Boon scratches his bandages and breaks the silence between us by chuckling nervously. I can't help myself—I join him.

"Wow… I almost drank that." He confesses. "I hope we don't run into her again anytime soon." I hope we don't run into her again period. "I'm going to have a hard time drinking milk now." Likewise. He suddenly looks at me uneasily. "If she made the milk… who made the bread?"

_Author's Note: So I bought all the DLC for Fallout: New Vegas and I've been playing that. And PAYDAY 2. And Bioshock. And Bioshock Infinite. By the way, those last two games are freaking amazing. If you haven't played them yet for some reason like me you really should. I highly recommend playing Bioshock before Bioshock Infinite though for maximum 'wow'ness. I've also had family working on creating an indie game, so that has kind of gotten in the way of updates as well. Sheesh, Broken Ideals got two big updates in before I could post this chapter. I've recommended two games so I might as well recommend fanfiction. Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Broken Ideals is really good and you should really read it and give the author some love if (yet again) you haven't for some reason._


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